the kermster

busy, busy, busy

2010-11-15T17:15:00.000-08:00

I've been in clinical rotations for three months. I need to post something about my experiences and I will but not now. I am soooo busy with this rotation + all of the school work with my extra class + the school work for my current rotation + I am sick right now.... I will write something soon :)

Two Down, One to Go!

2010-05-16T09:23:00.000-07:00

So I wrapped up yet another semester and feel pretty awesome. There were definitely some dark times last semester. It was getting dark before we even got out of class and making myself come home and study was no easy feat. There seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel sometimes, with one test coming right after another. I would talk to friends and apologize for not having more time to chat because I had a big test coming up. Inevitably they would call back the following week and I would give the same response. There was really never a time last semester that I wasn't studying for a big test. We had fewer tests than the first semester which made them all a little more important. Overall I finished strong and gradewise, did better than the first semester.

We have only one more semester in the class room, thank God! That room is depressing, cold, and crowded. I can't wait to be out of there. Also, the summer semester is only 2 1/2 months!

I am planning on doing a lot of nothing for the next week! We are going to Vegas for a few days where I will continue to do a lot of nothing, maybe a little beach reading, and most likely gain back all those pounds I lost (Vegas kind of does that to you!) It will be worth it though :)

So It All Started When.....

2010-05-09T18:23:00.000-07:00

It seems that as of late, many of my friends are having relationship difficulties. I'm not sure why this culmination is happening at the precipice of summer, but it is nonetheless. Natalie joked that maybe it is something in the air, something comparable to M. Nights "The Happening", only instead of out right suicide, some of us are committing relationship suicide.

I always thought that relationship counseling was reserved for couples that were married or had at least been together for a really, really long time. Not so. Relationship counseling is for anyone in a relationship in which both parties have come to a stand still, communication wise, or for couples seeking to iron out or even find out some of the areas in which improvement is needed.

For the record, I think counseling is a good thing. I think it can provide a couple insight into their relationship that they may never have had otherwise. It doesn't "fix" anything and I think a lot of people enter into counseling with impossibly high hopes that counseling will magically " fix " everything. What counseling does is provide the right environment and the right questions to lead a person down a path that might provide them with the right answers (i.g. Is this person I'm with really the right person? Can I make the sacrifices/changes needed to make this relationship work? Is the sacrifice/benefit ratio in my favor?) I think often times the individual's past allows the therapist to draw conclusions about why the person might be doing the things they do but at the end of the day, the responsibility still lies with the person in the relationship to make or not make changes.

In my opinion couple counseling can be good but it's only as good as each person's willingness to accept criticism. Both members must be willing to hear some things they may not want to hear and also be willing to accept advise about how to change. Whether they change or not, an openness to the process is a really big step.

It's hard to let go of something that you've put so much of yourself into. For a lot of people, when nothing else seems to be working counseling is a life line. However, I think that the line is only as strong as the couple's willingness to see it though, to listen to what is being said and to have the ability to follow through with whatever steps are necessary. Otherwise, you're just paying some geek to tell you how to run your life and that you are kind of a piece of crap for not realizing these things on your own. Oh ya, that'll be $160 bucks....

Amber Has A Message For You:

2010-05-02T18:44:00.000-07:00

I have felt a bit of social awkwardness since PA school started for me. Before PA school I was on a softball team, a bowling team, and a regular Fan - o - saur. I used to go out to dinner with good friends, play board games till all hours of the night and play rock band like nobodies business!

Now, I see no one. I don't go to softball games or bowling nights, I don't get into the latest and greatest video game craze that has everyone talking and gathered together on weekend nights. I feel like I have lost some part of my life and it makes me really sad. I miss all of the social gatherings I used to be a part of. It never really mattered what we were doing but the atmosphere was always one of good friends and good times.

Now when these kinds of events occur and I am actually able to attend, I feel like the new kid in high school. I want to be able to just fall right back into the easiness of being with good friends but I have nothing in common with my friends these days. I have nothing to talk about except school and my dogs and that really sucks. I know that it won't always be this way, but it still sucks. I miss my friends and miss all of the fun and all of the laughs we used to have.

If any of you are reading this, I promise to return Amber in a little over a year.... Please don't give up on her :)

2010-04-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Never blog when you've been drinking........ ;)

2010-04-19T19:03:00.000-07:00

I am happy to announce that since the beginning of this semester I have lost 10 lbs! I definitely took advantage of every little calorie that my Christmas break had to offer and by the end of it I could barely fit into any of the clothes I own. But instead of going out and buying a bigger size pair of jeans I was determined to fit into the ones I had. I think it will get even easier as summer nears. The days will be longer which means hopefully I can stop going to bed at 8:30! Also, more daylight for hiking and fun activities.

I have been hiking quite a few times this year with Bella and Daisy. It's funny to watch them because they both have such distinct personalities on the trail. Daisy is fairly conservative. Most of the time she stays on the trail and never gets more than 25 yards in front of me before she stops to wait. I never have to worry about her seeing a wild critter and bolting after it. Bella, on the other hand, is quite a different story! She is ALL over the place! She has no idea what a trail is or what purpose it serves. She is running through the woods constantly, trying to scare up birds to chase. I am having to call her back frequently because she gets so excited and runs too far ahead. There is never a dull moment on the trail with her :)

School is going well, just chugging along. We have the BIG test this Wednesday. It's nice because I have tomorrow (tues) off so I will definitely be using it! Other than that I have just been soaking up every second of sunlight that I possibly can. I have already gotten a blistering sunburn on my chest! I think I was being a little too greedy :)

2010-04-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

Our class had the privilege of visiting the CAPE center on Wednesday. This is a place of hands on learning that is available to medical students, Nurse Practioner students and PA students. It's located in Childrens Hospital which is kind of near the airport.

We were scheduled to get hands on practice doing female pelvic exams and male penis, testicle and rectal exams. I was a little nervous to say the least! How it worked was the class was divided into groups of 3 and 4, and we were directed into an exam room where a "model" was waiting for us.

My group began with the female exam. The "model" was in her mid 20's and very friendly. She taught us how to do breast exams and then we each got to practice on her. Then she taught us how to do a pelvic exam and we each got to practice on her again. She basically guided us through the entire process making sure that we were feeling and seeing the right things. It was pretty amazing. Also, I can't believe that she does this for eight people a day times 2 to 3 times a week! That's like 20 pelvic exams per week! No Thank You!

For the male exam it was pretty much the same routine. We sat in an exam room with a 50ish year old guy who taught us how to properly examine the penis, testes and rectum. I think we were all much more nervous than he was. He was completely professional and very knowledgable!

I was super excited to be able to get this opportunity. I can't imagine having to do either of these exams for the first time on a real patient!

Well we have five more weeks until the semester ends then its off to Vegas for some much needed fun in the sun!!

Also, no new incidents to report with the truck :)

2010-03-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

The craziest things seem to keep happening to me and unfortunately, my truck seems to be involved as well. Last week after dropping off my car pool buddies I get a call from one of them asking if I know how to jump start a car. I say sure and ask if she has jumper cables. She does so I turn around and pull up facing her car. She has a 98 Volvo and has been told that her battery connection isn't the greatest and something like this might happen.

Both of us are "pretty sure" we know how to hook up the cables but to be on the safe side she calls her boyfriend to double check. While she is on the phone with him we hook the cars up, black to black and red to red. My car is running and she gets into her car to start it but nothing happens. Her boyfriend suggests that I rev my engine a little and she try again. I get in and rev the engine and she tries the car again again nothing happens. As soon as she gets out of her car I get out of mine and we both notice smoke coming from the place where the cables are connected to her battery. I quickly turn of my truck. Unfortunately, this does not solve the problem.

The smoke is getting worse and worse and eventually we see smoke coming from the connection of the cables to my battery! The situation is escalating quickly. The smoke is now a visible plume that can be seen from a distance. A few people passing by stop and stare. Within seconds the cable catches on fire!! Katherine and I are running down the street, she on the phone with her boyfriend and I on the phone with 911.

Out of nowhere I guy runs out of the apartments across the street with a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire, takes the keys out of Katherine's car (her car was not on, but I guess this is what your are suppose to do) and yanks the cables off of the cars. The police and the fire dept show up, but the mystery hero had already fled the scene.

After calming down we try to think of what the heck could have caused this to happen. The fire dept stuck around for awhile examining the batteries and the cable, and came to the conclusion that it must have been a bad cable. I think they were also pretty upset that the fire had been put out before they arrived!

Anyways, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with the internal operating system of either vehicle. My truck does have a "shiner" to the driver side headlight and bumper where the cable melted into it. Did I mention this happened just days after I picked up the truck from the body shop?

So the next incident happened yesterday on the way home from school. Once again, it was me and my car pool buddies. Now, I know that the windshield wiper on the driver side of my truck needs to be tightened and its worthless otherwise. Its something I have been putting off but I know needs to be done. I just avoid driving on days that there is inclement weather. Little did I know that the mother of all storms would be hitting us yesterday on our way home. I tested the wipers before we left school and as I predicted the driver side wiper didn't do anything but what I did not predict was that the passenger side wiper would fall off completely!

Long story short, we ran into some major weather on the way home and had to pull off on the side of the road and tape the passenger side wiper back onto the arm so we could at least stay on the road! I'll keep the blog updated if I have any new adventures!

2010-03-10T18:19:00.000-08:00

I got my truck back!! The total bill for repairs came to $13,500!! Thank goodness for car insurance. It's definitely one of those things I hate paying for every month. I consider myself to be a pretty darn good driver but I have to say that so far, I think the car insurance companies are in the red as far as I am concerned! Also, my truck looks better now than before it went in to the shop :)

Thanks State Farm!

I'm Drowning!

2010-03-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm officially humbled. After spending about 16 hours studying for my most recent Pharmacology Exam I received a devastating 74%. Ouch! I have a "History and Physical Exam" test on Monday. I got up at 7 a.m. this Saturday morning and put in 7 hrs. I need to do at least another 7 hrs tomorrow in order to feel slightly ok about this test.

I don't know what it is but I feel like I am barely staying afloat. It's one test after another and I am frantically cramming for each test. I don't have time to get ahead because we have at least one test every week. If I don't put in at least 16 hrs of studying for each test, I feel unprepared.

I just feel anxious all the time! Hopefully during Spring Break I'll get a chance to get ahead and I won't feel this constant pressure.

Hello World!

2010-02-13T13:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a couple of weeks into the second semester and it's going pretty well. I think that I learned a bit about time management from last semester and hopefully I will not be so stressed out in the next few months! We are learning about some pretty cool stuff right now like heart and lung physiology and pathophysiology! I think I am probably having a slightly easier time with these subjects than some of the others in my class because I am really fascinated by it. Also, having been on an ambulance for a couple of years isn't hurting either :)

In other news, Paul has been out of town since school started and there is really no word on when he will be back. His endeavors have not been without compensation though! He won his very first tournament and is very fired up to to win a few more :)

I found out the hard way that Panera will allow you internet access for only 30 minutes between the hours of 11 and 2. I thought I had found the perfect place to study...too good to be true!! It is almost impossible to find a coffee shop with a place to sit in Boulder at around 5 pm!

I wrecked my truck but it isn't totaled thank goodness!! It will cost about $8500 to fix but it should be fine. I am okay, I was very lucky. Stupid icy roads! I didn't think it was possible to do a complete 360 on a straight freeway .... but it is! ;)

Oh ya, and I'm completely hooked on the show House. I could watch it all day long. I kind of even sorta know what they are talking about some of the time! Yay

2009-11-30T16:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, two weeks to go and semester number one is in the books! My grades so far are pretty good. I have managed an A in Biochemistry, Anatomy, Problem Based Learning and Professional Seminar; a B in Clinical Medicine and Patho/Physiology; and a C in History & Physical Exam. My grade for Pharmacology is yet to be determined.

For a lot of people in my class this report card is A-OK, lucky for me I happen to be one of them. I sit in the back row and tend to be a lot more laid back. I don't ask a lot of questions because people who do that annoy me and I secretly think they just want show the rest of the class how smart they are by asking completely ridiculous questions. I don't study as much as a lot of my class which allows me to have some semblance of a social life. I am grateful for this! Sometimes I feel like a slacker but when it's all said and done I realize that getting an A in every class is not worth my sanity. "you know what they call the guy that got C's all through Med school? Doctor!"

Our instructors vary from being as annoying to me as nails on a chalkboard to being downright fascinating. One of our Clinical Medicine instructors (we have had approx 10 this semester) crams about 5 hours of lecture material into 2 hours. She uses abbreviations in her power points that none of us know and has given us enough handouts this semester to keep a cozy fire going all night long. Oh, and we're all pretty sure she makes her own clothes and was the inspiration for Dr Seuss' Grinch character. Key Point: I cannot stand her

Our Clinical Medicine class is this: 2 hrs on Mon, 3 hrs on Tues, 4 hrs Wed. We are never sure who is going to be lecturing because most of the time we have outside physicians and PA's coming in to lecture and it's always completely random topics. I posted something on facebook about our last test and I think we had well over 1000 power point slides, 14 handouts, plus the material from the last test. Each instructor gives our medical director 10 questions. The medical director picks the same number of questions from each instructor to put on the test. This means that if 70% of the material covered comes from one instructor, this instructor and the instructor that lectured for an hour will get the same amount of questions on the test. The test is 30 questions. I don't know, this just seems ridiculous to me. Also, you only pass the test if you stay with the pack. If you are more than 2 standard deviations away from the mean you fail. So if everyone does pretty good on the test (mean is 95%) and you got an 87% you could possibly fail the test. It's just craziness!

But...I am super happy to be there! I know everyday how fortunate I am to have gotten into this program. I just need to vent a little here and there. However, I am seriously wondering how a few of the people in my class got in. Seriously!! I think some files got switched around or some sort of foul play is involved. Also, a love triangle!!! Coming next on Kermster's blog!

Stay tuned :)

Yo Yo Yo

2009-11-19T07:11:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aX7jme2b0N0

This is a really funny "rap" that was made by the Emory University PA program! It's about the first year of PA school :)

A blog!

2009-11-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

I was searching the PA forum and I ran across a PA student's blog. After reading it I am 95% sure that the student is a Senior at my school. That means he is currently doing clinical rotations while we, the juniors, are going though our didactic year. He never mentions the program specifically but he does talk a lot about the individual instructors, class schedule, ping pong tables outside the classroom and he mentioned that it snowed a foot a couple of days before Halloween. Makes sense to me.

Anyways, his blog gave me the idea that maybe I would do a blog about my experience in PA school. It seems these days I don't have much to talk about that isn't somehow related to PA school. I'm sure that a lot of what I post will not be remotely interesting to most of the people that read this blog but I think it might be a good way for me to vent. The guy whose blog I found almost got divorced during his didactic year b/c his wife felt that he was neglecting her so much and he had a 3 year old son. Reading his blog made me feel very grateful that I have no real responsibilities outside of the program and that my fiance' understands that we will have to sacrifice time together for a little while ;)

So, more posts to come.....

Halloween Party!

2009-10-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

For some odd reason I decided to have a Halloween party this year. It seems like every year since my parents stopped picking my costumes for me, my costumes have sucked and I have thrown them together the day before. There were so many Halloweens that I didn't even know what I was supposed to be. I put on random, mismatched articles of clothing from the thrift store, threw on a wig and called it a costume. Most of the time I was attending another persons Halloween party where I knew hardly anyone or I was freezing my ass off in some "downtown" Halloween craziness (Tahoe, Chico, Boulder, Berkeley?) The bottom line is...I always seem to let Halloween sneak up on me and then I am frantically throwing together a half ass'd costume and celebrating in a less than ideal way.
Well this year I decided to take the Halloween bull by the horns and plan a party! I have never planned a Halloween party before so I just went to the Halloween Super Mega Warehouse Store and bought a lot of cheesy decorations. I think it will be perfect and I'm so excited!!! I also invited my PA class to join the festivities and so far I have about 6 RSV P's. I hope anyone who is reading this blog is also planning to attend. :-D

2009-10-04T20:32:00.000-07:00

I know that no one really reads this blog anymore and I totally understand. I guess that blogging for blogging's sake is what blogging is all about...how many times can I use the word "blogging" in a sentence?

Anyways, I've been in school now for over a month. Here is what has suffered:
1.) My patience
2.) My social life
3.) My ability to find time to work out
4.) My pitching
5.) My trying new and awesome recipes
6.) My friendships
7.) My time spent with the new pup and the awesome Daisy
8.) My ability to talk about anything not related to the human body
9.) My ability to locate pretty much anything (keys, car, wallet, etc)
10.) My ability to have a meaningful conversation about anything other than physiological processes even when I'm trying

Here is what has strengthened:
1.) My ability to make friends in a new environment
2.) My ability to make choices about short term/long term gain and prioritize accordingly
3.) My ability to multitask
4.) My ability to accept that I am an intelligent person
5.) My ability to realize what is lacking and what is important in my life
6.) My ability to face most challenges and know that I can and will succeed
7.) My ability to recognize strengths I possess
8.) My belief that nurture can rise above nature
9.) My belief that my knowledge could actually help someone someday
10.) My belief that I can do anything if I want it badly enough

Week Two

2009-09-09T18:34:00.000-07:00

So I am officially in week two of PA school. So far...not so bad. However, I have the sneaking suspicion that the monster is merely luring me in and in no time, I will be fighting for my life...as a PA student. I don't know if any of you are this way but in order for me to put the time in to study a certain subject I need to have the EXAM lurking over my shoulder. I know that everything I have been told since being a PA student stresses the fact that I should be studying for tests that are 2+ weeks away. I just can't do it!! I need to know that test is in my very near future to be able to buckle down. It's how I've always been. I certainly don't "cram" but if I have a test in one week I sure as heck am going to study for it. Anywho, I know that the full force of the fire hose of information has not hit me yet but when it does I have only two words to say....bring it! :)

A New Chapter

2009-08-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

I have officially begun PA school! I am a mixture of emotions at present. I am excited, nervous, scared, anxious and overwhelmed. It was brought to my attention on Thurs that I am in fact the only person in my class of 30 who does not currently possess an undergrad degree. I realize that that should make me feel very proud to have been selected, which it does, but it also makes me feel very different from the rest of the class; kind of like an outsider. I will have to prove to myself that I belong there and that I can be competitive with the rest of the class. That will happen in time.

The classes that I will be taking this semester: Biochemistry, Physiology, Pathophysiology, Human Anatomy, Human Anatomy Lab, Clinical Medicine, History and Physical Exam, Professional Seminar, Problem Based Learning and Pharmacology....yikes.

I think I am also a little more overwhelmed than I normally would be because I have done absolutely nothing for the past year and now am being thrust into this type of schedule. I'm sure I will develop a rhythm and routine before too long and it will all be manageable.

Anyways, it was nice knowing everyone, see you in two years! ;)

Buddy

2009-07-19T10:48:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, Paul and I have really considered getting another dog. We took our time making this decision because we knew it was not something to be taken lightly. After returning from Vegas we had our minds made up to go ahead and start looking for a dog. We first went to visit a 3 year old black lab girl that was being fostered in Denver. She seemed nice enough but when she was introduced to Daisy she began showing a bit of aggression. It didn't last long and as soon as she was convinced that Daisy was not going to threaten her, they began to run around together. We decided that this was just not the dog for us.

The next day I went to the Humane Society. I got almost the whole way through when I saw Bear. He had the biggest, most beautiful eyes. He was a 7 month old black lab. I took him out and played with him and he was such a sweetheart. He could catch a tennis ball in the air, sit, lay down, and liked to play with other dogs. I ran home and got Paul and we both went back with Daisy. They met and everyone seemed to get along. So we brought him home. At 7 months he was already bigger than Daisy! Also, I forgot to mention that he had already been diagnosed with mild hip dysplasia. He didn't really show it though.

After we got him home, he and Daisy ran around the house playing. It was then that we learned that he is probably one of the most slobbery dogs I've ever seen. Big, long strands of slobber going everywhere. Also, we notice that he did have some trouble going up and down stairs because of his hip. Paul and I began to question our choice.

He was a really good dog and very smart. I named him Buddy and by the morning he was already responding to it. It took Daisy and Buddy to the dog park the next day. Buddy was also great in the car. He just laid down for the duration. At the dog park a girl noticed him and asked whether he was mine. I told her the situation and that I was actually planning on returning him to the Humane Society that day. She said that she really liked him and wanted to take him home but that she was in the process of moving. I gave her my number and told her to call me if she changed her mind in the next few hours.

I drove directly to the Humane Society because I knew that if I kept him any longer it was going to be exponentially more difficult for me to give him up. After returning him I got back into the truck and noticed a missed call. It was the girl from the park asking me to hold on to Buddy b/c her boyfriend was very interested and wanted to meet him that night. I told her that I had just dropped him off but that she should call and put him on hold. She called me back a bit later saying that she had called and tried to put a hold on him but that b/c he had been adopted and returned he would not be available for a whole week! I think that is just crazy! Especially when later that night I received a mass email from BVHS saying that they were at capacity and needed people to adopt and foster if possible.

Anyways, I looked on the website yesterday and he has a hold on him. I really hope he goes to a good home because I really think he has a lot of potential for someone who doesn't mind a little slobber. It was very hard to take him back. It was through no fault of his own that it wasn't a good fit. He deserves a great home.

My Trip To Vegas

2009-07-13T17:17:00.000-07:00

I drove out to Vegas on Thurs, July 2nd. I took Daisy, two over sized tubes, and a cooler. The drive took me 11hrs and I rolled in to Vegas at about 7p.m. I was super tired. The plan for that night was to do all the shopping for the boat outing the next day. However, the number of people that had committed to going on the trip originally began dropping substantially. I certainly didn't feel up to shopping for people who may or may not decide to join us on the trip. That meant that we needed to get up extra early and do the shopping in the morning. Despite our best efforts to get to the lake early, we didn't actually get on the lake till about 11. It was a complete zoo! The party boat we rented turned out to be an awesome idea. We kept a lot of the drinks and food on this boat and the power boat came and went as people wanted to tube. I had a blast! The water was perfect! Daisy made "jumping of the boat" debut and she was so cute. Later in the day Ethan and Amanda joined us and brought with them their black lab Missy. Daisy and Missy had a great time too.

It was such a great day until the clouds started rolling in. It took only about ten minutes from the visualization of the clouds until total downpour! We couldn't get off the lake fast enough. By the time we arrived back at the marina, so had every other boat on the lake. So once again, zoo.
It continued to rain for the next half hour or so. So all in all, $700 for five hours and two boats. Not really the best bang for the buck but it was fun and I'd do it again :)

The rest of the trip was pretty fun too. While Paul was playing in the main event, Katie and I did some shopping and played $1/$2 at the Luxor. On Paul's days off he would join Katie and me but instead of playing, he would sit behind us and critique our play. I was super nervous about this idea at first but it turned out to be extremely helpful to both of us. Katie won almost $1000 this last week and I was up about $150. She gets herself into the craziest all in pots but usually manages to have the best hand. Yay Katie!! The last night we were there Katie, Justin and I went to see Bruno at Red Rocks. It was really funny! Afterward Justin went home and left us ladies to bring home the bacon ;) We played for about 4 hours at Red Rocks and we both ended the night up about $130. I love playing live poker but it's even more fun when you win some money!

Daisy was extremely bored in Vegas. I felt so bad for her. I took her to the dog park one day and there wasn't a single other dog there. I threw the ball for her about three times in the 106 degree heat and it was time to go. I don't know how Zoe did it for nine months, she was a trooper. I felt so bad for little Daisy that one morning I got up early and drove her to lake mead. She found a pit bull buddy to splash around with (I swear, all the dogs in Vegas are pit bulls) and we left after about 90min.

Paul made a good run but unfortunately we packed up the car Sunday morning and headed for home. It was a nice trip but probably my last for awhile.

If anyone snapped any pictures from the lake I'd love to see them!!

2009-06-28T10:39:00.000-07:00

Well, I think it is time. Paul and I are talking seriously about getting a brother or sister for Daisy. When we first considered this idea, Daisy was only about 6 months old. At that point we thought that maybe we should give a her a little more time to grow up and come into her own. Maybe she would not be the kind of dog that would benefit from having a doggie companion. She is now 13 months old and I'm afraid the she most certainly is the kind of dog that would love a brother or sister. Her favorite thing in the whole world is romping around with another dog. I'm starting to feel a little sad for her when she is wandering around the house searching for a toy to keep her occupied or when she just sleeps most of the day. I try to take her on a good, long hike or to the dog park at least once a day but I know that she would be so much happier with someone to play with.

I have been looking at some dogs on the Rocky Mountain Lab Rescue web site. The woman who runs it thinks that there are three dogs that would be good candidates. Their names are Wilber, Gage and Bobbi. Take a look and tell me what you think :)

2009-06-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

So I thought I would get a head start and buy the books that I will need for PA school. I just about fell out of my chair when I counted how many books I will be needing.... 21 to be exact! This is only the number of mandatory books I need to buy. There is a whole other list of "recommended" texts for the class. I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

My White Trash Family

2009-06-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, the title is a little harsh but I would like to begin by saying that my mom is excluded from this category!

So this post is meant to be amusing because personally, I just think it's hilarious. I have 6 cousins from my mom's brother Ron's marriage to a woman named Terry. She had five kids when they were married and then they had another together. I don't believe Terry has ever worked a day in her life. She sits on her ass, smokes pot, has kids and collects welfare. I have four cousins from my mom's brother Steve's marriage to a woman named Becky. I spent a lot of time with all of these cousins when I lived in Oklahoma. At that time we were all fairly poor but not white trash. My mom, dad and I moved to CA when I was 8. My Uncle Ron separated from Terry and moved to CA with his son when I was 17. I did not see any of my other cousins again until I was 23.

During the time that I had no contact with them I at least got updates through my Uncle Ron. My cousin Jamie had a baby when she was 13. She had another at 16. None of my cousins graduated from high school and all of the girls had had at least one baby by the age of 18. Most of my cousins where either addicted to meth or in prison for meth posession at one time or another.

When I was 23 Terry and her kids Jaime and Keesha moved to Quincy and lived with my Uncle and his son Eric. Keesha was 21 at the time and had her 3 year old daughter with her. Inevitably, Jerry Springer like drama ensued, Jaime became pregnant, my Uncle went to prison and his son went to a group home. None of these incidents were related to each other! ;)

I think that most Terry's kids are living either at her trailer or a trailer down the street in South Carolina. Keesha and Jaime have since had more babies; all of their children have different fathers and neither of them are in custody of all of their children. My cousin Angela had her children taken away when she was arrested for meth. My Uncle Steve now takes care of them. I recently found out that she now has another 3 mo. old and is remarried but has never contacted my Uncle to see about getting her other kids back. She does not work either.

I could go on and on but you get the jist. The reason I think this is funny is because I have no relationship with these people and I don't think I want one. I have distanced myself from them and feel no sympathy for them whatsoever. I do, on the other hand, have a great amount of sympathy for the kids they are bringing into the world.

The reason I posted about this is because through the wonderful creation that is myspace, one of my cousins has contacted me. Turns out that 4 of them live in Vernal Utah and they want me to come visit. I'm just not sure if I should alert Jerry before I go or if I should wait until I come back. J/k, I'm just really not sure if I want to go. I have no idea if they are still doing drugs or what kind of living conditions they are in right now.

Anyways, thanks parents for moving me to CA!!

The Incident

2009-06-01T22:27:00.001-07:00

Since Paul brought it up and then left everyone hanging, I guess I will fill you in on what happened. I think that I was sleepwalking. That is the ONLY explanation that I can think of. Since Paul and I got here we have both had a terrible time adjusting to the schedule. We sleep all day and are up all night. When I wake up I am never sure if it is dawn or dusk. On this particular night it was late and I was having trouble getting to sleep. Paul and I had split a bottle of wine (maybe more like 1/3 to 2/3) when he decided to go play poker. I remember sitting in bed reading and realizing that it was pointless b/c by this time I was just groggy enough that I wouldn't remember what I had read in the morning and would need to re-read everything. I don't remember putting the book down. The next thing that I remember is standing outside the boat watching it sail away.

On the rhine there are multiple "step offs" in which boats are basically lowered into the next length of the river. They enter a kind of shoot or holding area while the water level is lowered. When this happens, cement walls on both side of the boat are so close that you can actually reach outside the boat and touch them. There are ladders extending from the bottom of these walls to the top. My only guess is that I climbed out of our open window and climbed up one of these ladders while our boat was stopped. The wierd thing is that I probably could've climbed back down and onto the boat but didn't "wake up" until the boat was already down the river.

I realized that I was in big trouble. It was about 2:30 in the morning at this point. My first thought was to see if there was anyone around the levee controling the water and get their attn. I banged on a few doors but no luck. There was a road nearby so I thought I should make for that and try to flag someone down. I had to jump two very tall metal fences in the process. This was very painful as I had on no shoes or socks, just some sweats and a tank top. I made it to the road but there was hardly any traffic. I saw a town about 5 miles away (I was up on a hillside) so I started walking. After about 15-20 minutes a car passed by and stopped. I was reluctant to ask for help because I didn't really want to be abducted! I approached the car and the person inside seemed genuinely concerned. Luckily they spoke a little English and I explained the situation. They said that there was a watch tower type station up the road along the river and that they would give me a ride there. It was a hard decision but my gut said that it was safe, so I hopped in.

The very kind driver took me to the station and waited while I knocked on the door. The worker/guard or whatever answered the door. The driver helped me to explain (the guard guy did not speak much English) my situation. So, I stayed there until the French police came to get me. By this time I had no idea what was going to happen. I did not know if I was going to jail or what. When the police arrived they were very nice, however, they spoke even less English than the gaurd. Finally, it was decided that the police would drive me to the next "step off" on the river to meet up with my boat. We drove for about 20 minutes and when we arrived we went into a building where another guy was working the levee. I can only guess at what transpired between him and the police but I think he informed them that he had made contact with the boat captain and the captain was now aware of the situation. My boat was not going to be at this point in the river for another 90 minutes though.

The police then drove me back to their station which looked more like a fire station. They were apperently the only two officers on duty that day. They took me by a bakery and bought something for me to eat and they gave me some socks. We spent about 45 minutes at the station then drove back to the river. This station was way out in the country so at least the drive was scenic! We got back to the river and waited another 15 min or so, then the boat came.

I was escorted down the stairs and onto the landing. It was so embarrasing. I was standing there with my hair a complete mess, wearing a tank top in 50 degree weather with sweat pants that were ripped beyond repair.. The captain came off the boat and tore into me. He was so pissed! He wouldn't even let me explain that my little adventure was not on purpose. Paul told me later that the captain assumed I had tried to jump off the boat and get back on but that my plan had failed. Anyways, I just put my head down and let him yell. Once back on the boat, Paul and I made a bee line for out room and slept the rest of the day.

Paul thinks that I must have hit my head on the cement wall which is why I don't remember. I had the window open in our room and was singing along with my iPod when he left the room. But I definitley remember trying to read after that. Who knows. I guess it will always be a mystery!

2009-05-31T23:18:00.000-07:00

well we have internet for the time being so I thought I'd write a little. Its Monday and we have just arrived in the Netherlands. We get to go see an old Battlefield today which should be awesome! Paul as been doing a great job posting about the details of our trip so I'll just leave that task up to him. Overall, this trip has not been at all what I expected and I believe that if I had to do it again (pick a trip) I would choose a tropical destination. I'm glad to have been able to see these beautiful parts of Europe b/c I will carry away with me an intense appreciation for the history and beauty of this place. However, it has also made me aware of a fact that I was already fairly certain of....I really don't like to travel. I knew I needed to see Europe and I'm sure someday down the road I will be back. But if I am being completely honest with myself...I like familiarity and comfort, friends and home. Some people are not this way and I wish them many happy trails but I'm just as happy to be sitting on my back porch with my pup and a good book then galaventing across the world.

I know that some would argue that the experiences that one gains while being in uncomfortable, unfamiliar surroundings are priceless in shaping your outlook on the world and who you are as a person. I agree with that to some extent and for some people I am sure that it is priceless. But, I will be the same person that left Boulder when I return to Boulder...only maybe with slightly less patience for old people!

and a craving for Good Times!

2009-05-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

today we are in heidelberg germany. the trip is not going so well. paul and i are having a great time together but all the other aspects of the trip are...well, sucking! neither of us can sleep for some reason, i think i am getting sick, and the internet on the boat is out indefinitely. we get a total of 7 channels and 4 of them are in french or german. the tours have been ok but like i said before, they go at such an agonizingly slow pace that its difficult to get much out of them. paul and i briefly discussed ditching the boat and spending the rest of our time in europe doing our own thing. i dont think that it is actuallz going to happen but we were close this morning. i really hope the trip gets better. anyways, because we have no internet on the boat im not sure when ill get to post again. i miss boulder!!

We Made It!!

2009-05-25T07:29:00.000-07:00

We got to Basel, Switzerland yesterday afternoon. We were driven to the boat which was docked on the Rhine River. We ate a quick dinner and hit the hay. We were both exhasted! One thing that Paul and I noticed immediately while eating dinner with the other 170 or so other guests....we are the youngest couple on this boat by about 35-40 years! We stick out like no body's business. I am actually quite bummed about this.

This morning we took a guided tour through Basel but because the avg. age of everyone in our group pushing 80...it was very, very slow. We really have nothing in common with anyone on the boat and the whole theme of the boat is most certainly catered to those who lead a "mature" lifestyle. O-well, even though I was informed by Paul that I am no longer allowed to pick vacations for the two of us, we are going to make the best of it.

Our room is nice and it is the last room at the end of the boat. We have a large window that opens up to the river. The top of the boat is a sun deck which I used a little bit today. Our purchases today: a very nice can opener, a scrub brush for the kitchen sink, and lemon zester. All three are very nice :) We will depart Basel this evening and arrive somewhere else that I can't pronounce tomorrow. I also have some pictures I am going to attempt to put up soon. I'm using Pauls Mac so I'm happy if I can figure out how to check email! :)

Don't Laugh

2009-05-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

Seriously! The reason I haven't blogged much lately is because I am absolutely engrossed in a somewhat cheesy series of novels written for teenagers. But who says a 28 year old gal still can't appreciate the delicate dramas a young girl goes through in high school....with a few added twists ;) I'm not going to tell you the name of the saga but I'm sure most of you can guess....and remember, don't laugh!

2009-05-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

Is this Hell? I'm incredibly hot, I have one bottle of water but it's also very hot, all the people around me are being tortured, every time I look up I see a horrible display, orders are being given and the heat...unbearable. Could this be...? Oh no, this is Bikram Yoga and I tried it for the first time today.

Let me tell you how excruciating it was but also how very awesome it was. I have never put my body through something like that before and I'm so happy I did. There are very few things that can compare to a "runners high" without actually running but this is one of those things. When you are done you feel like you have accomplished something. I felt like I pushed my body beyond it's comfort levels and that's what working out is all about. I probably left about 5 gallons of myself back there but it was an amazing experience. Many times I wanted to run out of the room just to feel the cool air on my very hot skin but I didn't. The instructor told us noobs that our only goal should be to stay in the room for the 90 minutes. Goal achieved!

I also really loved the comradery of all the yoga people. We all clapped at the end and I was congratulated by more than one person on my way out for sticking with it, being that it was my first time.

All in all, what a fantastic experience and I never would have done it ( at least not anytime soon) without Desirae there to coax me along! (sorry if I spelled your name wrong ;))

Tomorrow the plan is to do a little snowboarding. I tried snowboarding once in high school. I tried skiing the very next day. Let's just say, I chose skiing and got 31st in the state of CA in G.S. the very next year .... maybe tomorrow I'll get to find out what is so appealing about knuckle dragging :)

Hilarious!

2009-05-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

Thanks for making me laugh Candice...I thought I'd share it with some peeps!

2009-05-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

What a gorgeous day! I'm kind of bummed that I won't be here for the weekend. I'm flying home for a few days but I'll be back on Monday. I hope the nice weather holds up!

I'm very excited about our first co-ed softball game tonight! It's weird how much I miss it when we don't have a game for two weeks. Hopefully we can break our streak of never winning the first game of the season. I have a feeling we will crush!

I just ordered two books from Amazon. The first is called Wild Justice. It is a non-fiction book about the moral lives of animals. The second book is actually a series. I rented Twilight and really liked it so I ordered the whole four-book series. Apparently the books are way better than the movie, as is generally the case.

Well, I'm going to get out and enjoy this beautiful day!

Aerophobia?

2009-05-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

I have this vivid memory of my mom and me flying to Oklahoma. I was about 8 or 9 and had only been on an airplane a handful of times. I remember being really excited. At some point during the flight we started to experience some turbulence. I thought this was the greatest thing ever! It made the flight so much more fun! The turbulence got so bad at one point that my soda slid off of my tray and landed in my mother lap. She was not happy about that and seemed even less pleased with the bumpy ride we were having. As I think back on it now, I realize that my little nine year old brain could not process the idea that turbulence, it rare cases, could lead to disaster. My mother, from the look on her face, did.

As I have begun to use air travel more and more I have developed a fear of it more and more. I'm not sure why this is, but it seems as though it is getting worse not better. I have never even had so much as a minor mechanical problem on an airplane that I have been on so I am not sure where this fear is stemming from.

Paul and I are flying to Switzerland at the end of May and I am seriously dreading the flight. On more than one occasion the anxiety of the impending flight has made me want to cancel the trip completely. At times I have an overwhelming fear that something is going to go wrong. At other times, I laugh at myself for being so silly.

I'm such a loser

2009-04-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

It's official... I am going to get a failing grade in my LIT115 class! How could this have happened?? Good question. Basically, I looked at our online grade book for the class. Under the absences column, the teacher would record our absences as: 3/7, 4/7, 5/7, etc. Silly me, I just assumed that after 7 absences I would have to face some consequences. Turns out that I misinterpreted this whole system and was given a failing grade after my 7th absence.

I'm really not that upset about it. This class has absolutely nothing to do with PA school. I put about as much effort into getting out of bed in the morning as I put into this class, so it's not like I devoted hours and hours to something just to fail it in the end.

I made a choice earlier in the semester when I found out that I was accepted to PA school. I decided I would rather have fun than go to class! I guess this is what happens :) No big deal though, I am retaking it online this summer and everything will work out in the end.....I hope.

I'm actually a little relieved as well. The final assignment for the class was going to be some ridiculous project that involved me coloring posters to hang up in the halls at school to advertise for a make believe literary event that my group and I were to put on. Didn't I pass the first grade already??

2009-04-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Due to recent events I have changed my blog setting so that only those who have been invited can read it. So I guess if you're reading this blog you probably already know that :)

I wasn't originally going to take this kind of action but I just wasn't able to post freely knowing that a certain individual would be reading my words.

Anyways, more to come later :)

Bunnies in a Cup :)

2009-04-14T16:46:00.000-07:00

Actually...I take my coffee plain

VICTORY!

2009-04-12T21:36:00.000-07:00

The Prairie Dog Dinner raised $44,000! Minus all of the overhead we walked away with $30,000! This is twice the amount we set out to raise! Last year I think we ended up with a little over $14k. This just goes to show...the economy my be struggling, but in Boulder, we're Summiting :)

Thank you to everyone who came and supported this tiny little hero!

Neat

2009-04-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

I think I'd be a little concerned if I looked outside and saw this....

2009-04-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

Two posts...crazy!

Here's the deal...Global warming is real and we will see it's effects in our lifetime. Our gov't will try many things to curb the exponential temp rise that is beginning to happen. It will not be enough. The facts are very clear. As a species we are intelligent. Obviously...we have dominated our environment so that it fits our needs. For most other life on this planet, the environment dominates.

We were doomed from the beginning. Our species is curious and only somewhat intelligent. This is a very dangerous combination. It means that we are really only smart enough to create an existence based on instant gratification. EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW that driving cars is changing the very ecosystem we need to survive...WE STILL DRIVE CARS! Our gov't knows that as well. I hate admitting the fact that maybe our forefathers were wrong. They put so much faith in the people. But I realize now, people are stupid!

We know what we want and we aren't afraid to voice that..but what we need is a very different thing. What if our President came on TV tomorrow and said...." The U.S. has 90 days to stop driving cars. If you are caught driving a car after that date you will be arrested".

That seems CRAZY! But....like parents and children, like leaders and followers; what if he was, in fact, trying to save your life and the life of your children? It seems like an impossible request, to stop driving cars, but what if that was the only thing that would slow this inevitable warming we are facing. Maybe this is the only act that we could perform that would ensure a planet for our children? Would you stop driving?

And how do you feel about the evidence that the mere acts we perform on a daily basis are crippeling our planet? Would you be willing to change?

Theme Song

2009-04-08T22:05:00.001-07:00

I've heard it asked many times. If you could pick one song that speaks to your life, what would it be? I have not been asked this question personally, but I've always wondered what my song would be. For those who know a bit about me, I think you'll know why I picked this song.

I Won't Back Down
Tom Petty

Well I wont back down, no I wont back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I wont back down

Gonna stand my ground, wont be turned around
And Ill keep this world from draggin me down
Gonna stand my ground and I wont back down

Hey baby, there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down.

Well I know whats right, I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin me around
But Ill stand my ground and I wont back down

Hey baby there aint no easy way out
Hey I will stand my ground
And I wont back down
No, I wont back down

Vegas Trip

2009-04-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

We just got back from Vegas and I must say, it is good to be home. Usually time flies while we are there but for some reason I was ready to come home today. Paul had been there for almost two weeks and I, only four days. We played a lot of poker which was fun. For the first two nights we played at the MGM. The first night we (Katie, Justin, Paul, Myself, and Katie's best friend from high school, Sarah) went out to dinner at the always delicious Mona Mi Gabi. After that, because Katie refuses to drink any alcoholic drink that tastes like alcohol, we stopped by one of those novelty frozen drink stands. After that, we drove to the MGM and played some 1/2. It was really fun! I was playing really tight, but aggressive and at the end of the night I was up about $200. Katie was up $500 at one point but then got very unlucky. She still ended the night in the black though! :)

On Sat. morning we all drove to the strip. Paul headed over to the Bellagio for some 5/10 and the rest of us went to Planet Hollywood. Katie and I entered an $80 tournament. We made it through the first three levels but then we both busted in the fourth. After that, we all sat down at a 1/2 table. It was terrible! I don't know if I made the poker Gods mad somehow but they were definitely not smiling on me that day, nor were they smiling on anyone else. I'm pretty sure we all lost that night! I only played about 10 hands during that whole time. My set ran into quads, my KK ran into a straight (I asked the guy if he had the cards that made the straight, I was proud of that at least!) and every other time I was in a pot I got the back end of the deal. I was only down about $300 so I guess I was about even for the trip.

On Sunday Katie and Sarah drove to L.A. for the day so I just hung around the house. I had a lot of fun on the trip but it was a little too chilly to do anything outside which is maybe why I was ready to come home. There is only so much time I can spend in a casino :) I'm sure we will be back in no time. I am looking forward to Lake Mead this summer and bumper tubes!

2009-03-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

My new years resolution this year was to be healthier. I planned to eat more "whole" foods and not much processed food, workout on a regular basis and cut down on partying/drinking. So far....so good. The year started out as any other year but this last month has been very different.

When I started out in Jan. I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill at a slight incline for 15 minutes and was exhausted. I then began to hike on days when the sun was shining, I got a little confidence and returned to the gym. I began my fitness crusade in the middle of Jan. and it is now almost April. I have progressively gotten more intense and more dedicated. I now do a minimum of 90 min of cardio and 30 min of weights every other day. I start out with the step mill for 30 min. Then I do the Elliptical machine at an "8" resistance for 30 min, then I run for 30 min. That was just today. The other day I ran for 55 min and added in some other stuff.

The point is..... Never in my life have I been in "good shape". Unfortunately I am, in fact, approaching the age of 30! Super scary. I want to know what it is like to be in good shape. I want to know what it is like to look good in a bathing suit. I want to know what it is like to shop for clothes without worrying about looking fat. But, above everything, I want to be proud of myself and know that physically I can do whatever I put my mind to.

Originally I began working out to lose weight. Right now I am the heaviest I have ever been and it does weigh on my self esteem. After working out regularly for the past month and a half I have not lost a single pound. When I realized this I was devastated ( and still am.. a little) But even though I have not lost weight (I know..I've gained muscle!) and my pants do not fit any better, I do feel stronger and healthier.

During softball last summer a full run around the bases would leave me winded for a good ten minutes. Now, I am out of breath for a few minutes at most. So I do see differences. Maybe not the ones I had originally hoped for, but I see that certainly my work has paid off in other ways.

2009-03-15T20:21:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since I posted last. I know the blog is getting a little dusty, it's wilting and needs water. Lately I am feeling a lack of things to blog about. Truman can easily blog about the most random everyday event and make it sound incredibly interesting. I, on the other hand, cannot. Perhaps it is because I have a difficult time being as blatantly honest. I feel like I should only post when something is going down; something exciting or different. I guess the whole point of blogging though, is to talk about your life and your feelings, views and whatnot.

I'll work on that :)

Sorry, this was just too cute!

2009-03-08T20:54:00.000-07:00

Some Good News

2009-03-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

Well, even though Paul did not make it as far in the tournament as he would have liked, he played some great poker, got to hang out with his friends and family in Vegas, and eat a really big lobster. I even won a little money playing poker!

Oh, ya...I also found out that I got in to PA school!!!

WooHoo!

Top Ten Reasons the Prairie Dog is the New Batman

2009-03-04T15:10:00.000-08:00

The Prairie Dog Coalition asked it's members to come up with a "Top Ten Reasons Prairie Dogs Are..." list to help out with press for the upcoming fundraiser. I came up with this and it looks like they are going to use it! Yay :)

1. Prairie Dogs get blamed when things start going south.

2. Prairie Dogs carry the weight of the entire prairie ecosystem and
thus, are incredibly strong!

3. Prairie Dogs don't mind wearing silly outfits!(lots of pics online
of prairie dogs wearing outfits )

4. Prairie Dogs are cute, but if you are an evil doer and face to face
with one in a dark alley, just give up. Their teeth are quite sharp :)

5. Prairie Dogs have one of the most sophisticated communication
systems of any mammal known to man. They may know what you are doing
or thinking before you even think about doing it!

6. Prairie Dogs provide the resources that their neighbors on the
prairie need to survive. Without the Prairie Dog, you can say goodbye
to almost nine other species that call the prairie their home.

7. The Prairie Dog is not only an inhabitant of the prairie, but a
symbol of it's health an well being.

8. The Prairie Dog is unable to fight it's opressers on it's own. It
needs the help of people in it's community to educatet the ill
advised. The Prairie Dog needs this help in order to persuade those
that may make quick and unfortunate decisions regarding the fate of
the prairie dog.

9. The prairie dog is not only a hero, it is a role model in it's own
right. The prairie dog creates an expansive home that includes: many
bedrooms, a front and back door, a pantry of sorts, a bathroom (which
is cleaned regularly) and a nursery (or nesting room).

10. Prairie Dogs realize the impact that their population has upon the
environment in which they inhabit. Therefore, they breed only once per
year and practice their own form of population control if resources
become scarce.

11. Prairie Dogs tend to get the blame even when it is out of their
control. The Rock Squirrel is actually the biggest culprit in the
transmission of animal plague to human counterparts and even then it
has only effected 10 people in the last 13 years.

2009-03-01T19:49:00.000-08:00

Well, I had my interview on Friday. I can't say how it went but I can give you a general idea of how I felt about it. First of all, walking into the interview it was hard for me not to feel like "what the heck am I doing here!". I know that I have good grades and all but I imagine that all of these people do as well (the nine people in my interview session). Over half of them have applied to this program before, this would be their second time interviewing. ALL of them have an undergraduate degree (except one). The first 3/4 of the interview goes very well. The entire process took 4 1/2 hours! The second one on one interview was a bit challenging. She really nailed me on the fact that I don't currently have a bachelors degree and asked me, basically, why don't you have a degree and do you realize that you will need one to be successful in this field. It kind of felt like a kick in the stomach. I mean, why did they even invite me to interview if that is a stipulation for entrance into the program? She also asked me about grades I got in college over ten years ago. Like I said, I really have no way of knowing how I did. It seemed like every person I was interviewing with was very qualified. I can really see them coming back to say, "you are a very qualified candidate but we really need you to have a degree. Go get that and then come back and reapply."

Can I blame them? Absolutely not. I was taking a real chance with this program. If this program had not existed I would have gotten my degree then taken the prereqs for whatever program I wanted to get into. I kind of did the it the opposite way, hoping I would get in on my first try.

I guess we'll see :)

funny

2009-02-24T22:05:00.000-08:00

P.S. Haha.... I just read this post and the last paragraph makes it sound like I'm not even feeding or giving water to the puppy. To clarify, I am not torturing the puppy into submission...for the analogy's sake, I am having a friend (Truman) deal directly with the puppy and I am receiving updates via test msg at fairly regular intervals ;)

2009-02-24T21:15:00.000-08:00

I'm sure most of the people who read this blog have been following Paul in the LAPC. I have told him and a few others about my new strategy for dealing with the crazy ups and downs of railing him in a tournament. What has happened many times in the past is that I get really interested in the tournament from the get go; looking for online updates, bugging anyone there in person with text msgs, and thinking about it constantly. I know it's silly to get so invested so early on, I guess that is one of the reasons I am considered a "n00b", but it happens. Anyways, it is not beneficial for me because when I get that crushing text that reads "he's out", it is devastating.

So I have a new Paul Wasicka Is Playing A Tournament strategy/analogy. I will now look at the tournaments he plays in as a puppy that a roommate/parent/whoever has brought home. Sure the puppy is cute and I really want to hold him and cuddle with him but I won't allow it! What if, for some reason, the puppy has to go back? Maybe the person who brought him home discovers that they have allergies to puppies or that they are the devil and don't even really like puppies?! Then what? If I had allowed myself to grow attached to the puppy I would be very sad to see it go. Yet, had I waited a day or two, anticipating that my roommate was the devil and that they would inevitably realize they hate puppies, I would be much better off and not so crushed when the puppy had to go.

Analogy: I get overly attached to a poker tournament that Paul is playing in and then it is taken away from me and I am very sad...like with the puppy.

New Strategy: I will pretend that the puppy does not exist for at least three days. If after that amount of time the puppy is still around, I will acknowledge its presence and maybe teach it how to fetch.

Stupid Wind!

2009-02-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

Thurs night I put out our recycling. I put it out at night because the recyclers come very early in the morning and I never get up in time. Our recycling bin was over flowing with boxes and cans and mail and whatnot because the peeps neglected to pick it up the previous week...I'm still not sure why.... Anyways, it was quite full.

I went to bed and woke up at 4:30 in the morning to a loud gust of wind. When I say loud, I mean Big Bad Wolf (I just read wolf's latest post!) trying to blow our house down kind of loud! I quickly remembered my recycling bin overly stuffed with paper products out on the street. I jumped out of bed, put my slippers on and dragged a half asleep Daisy with me outside to the curb. When I got there I found a half filled recycling bin. I searched as much as I could at 4:30 in the morning for my missing pizza boxes and red bull cans but no luck. Daisy was also not much help. I hauled the bin up to the garage and tucked it safely between the door and my truck hoping this would be enough of a wind breaker. I went back to bed.

Paul and I got up at 9:00 and as he was leaving for the airport I took the bin for it's second trip out to the curb. This time though, I was not going to let the stupid wind get the best of me. Before Paul got in the car to head off I had him grab a rock from the flower garden to place on the bin's lid. Paul made his way over to the bin with the big, heavy rock but seconds before he could get there the wind Gods caught us trying to be sneaky and blew a gusty blow knocking the bin over completely! So basically, what pieces of personal mail not already blowing around our neighborhood were now getting their shot. It was a sight to see. Me, Paul and Truman running around trying to scoop up whatever we could before it got away. The wind Gods must have been having a hearty laugh.

Okay so, I got my stuff picked up, rock on top, ready for the recyclers to come take the crap away. Yay. I left the house to run errands for the rest of the day and ended up at home around 4:00-4:30. I noticed that the rock was no longer on top of the bin and figured the peeps must have come and emptied it. I walked over and opened the lid only find all of my crap still inside. I was so mad!!! This means that this is the second week in a row that these guys have not done their job! As I hauled the bin back up the driveway I was thinking about what I would say when I called Western Disposal and yelled at them. I left the bin in the driveway because I was so pissed off. I headed for the front door.

Just as I pulled out my keys to open the door I heard a familiar grumbling coming from down the street. I turned to see what it was and coming down the street were the peeps. I put down everything I was holding in a heap on the stairs and ran for the bin. Unfortunately for me, I think it was near quitting time for these guys. They were hauling not only recyclables, but major ass! I made it only as far as the end of the driveway with my pitiful, half full bin of recycling before they were gone and on to the next house.

It was a terrible day for me and the recycling but there is always next Friday :)

2009-02-07T12:35:00.000-08:00

Even though I was invited to interview for the PA program I think it's still going to be an up hill battle. I was just informed that I am to show up to the interview with a resume. This totally sucks and here is why.

1.) Since the time I graduated from High school I have attended 6 different colleges and have no degree to show for it. I have been going to school on and off for 10 years. What does this say about me as a potential candidate for a very sought after program? I would almost bet money that I will be the one and only candidate there without an Undergrad degree and who has gone to 6 different colleges in 3 different states.

2.) My job history. I do have 3 yrs of EMT experience but what the heck was I doing for the rest of those 7 years since high school? Let's see... I've worked in a ski shop, a hardware store, a toy store, a coffee shop, a restaurant, a fitness club and a gas station. Not exactly jumping off the page with awesomeness!

3.) Resumes want you to list skills, interests and achievements that weren't mentioned elsewhere. The thing is...I don't have any skills other than what I learned as an EMT. I'm not proficient with anything computer related, I'm not an accountant or coach or artist in my spare time. I have never won an award or been "honored" for anything. My interests are cooking, volleyball, softball, hiking and prairie dogs. All of which have nothing to do with being a successful candidate for the PA program.

This just totally sucks. Before I wrote my resume I had an idea that it wouldn't be that great. But now that I've written it, I am truly disheartened.

2009-01-28T09:06:00.000-08:00

Most people know by now that I did get invited to interview!!! I think I was literally in shock the first day I found out. It just didn't seem real to me. It still doesn't. So now what happens?

My interview is set for Friday, Feb. 27. It is a 4 hour long process which consists of an orientation, a group interview, two individual interviews, a timed essay and a tour of the campus. Man, I better eat a good breakfast that day! I guess I have about a 50% chance seeing as how there are 60 people and 29 open spots.

I have two pages of possible interview questions that I am going to study. I am also going to, as Natalie suggested, research the mission statements of other PA programs and compare/contrast them to the one I am hoping to get into. Truman and Natalie both have offered to do a mock interview with me which I think will be extremely helpful. I haven't had an interview since I applied for Paramedic school back in '04....I'm a little rusty to say the least.

Anyways, overall I am thrilled. I never in million years thought I would make it to this point. In the past when I have been on course to achieve something life seems to throw a big rock in the path and I have to veer. Life has been good to me lately though and I have capitalized on the lack of rocks :)

What are You?

2009-01-25T12:27:00.000-08:00

Inspired by Truman's latest blog, I decided to take the Myers-Briggs personality test myself. I googled it but found only tests that are based on that particular model (for free anyways). I took a test composed of 70 questions and at the end I was told that I am an "ESTJ". Of the four personality categories, I fall into the Guardian category which is further subdivided. Of these subdivisions I am a Supervisor (yick!) I had no idea. A brief description of my personality type can be found at:

http://typelogic.com/estj.html

I took the test at:

www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

It was kind of fun, you should try it :)

Bittersweet

2009-01-24T17:00:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted anything in such a long time so I figured I needed to :) Still not a whole lot going on though. I had my first class on Wed.. I think it's going to be a snorefest but maybe it will surprise me. I was just notified today about my PA school application. It turns out that over 570 people applied for the 28 seats. 60 people were mailed letters inviting them to interview, over 500 people were sent letters telling them "better luck next time" and 9 people were put on an alternate list. Lucky me, I am one of those very special...very freaked out people on the alternate list :) On the one hand I am so happy that I wasn't one of those 500+ people who were outright denied. On the other hand, this next week is going to be a nerve racking one!! Basically, if any of the 60 people deny the invitation to interview, I have a 1/9 chance of taking their spot. I'm not sure what my chances are. I don't know on avg how many people deny interviews so basically....It's in God's hands :) Wish me luck

First Post of 2009!

2009-01-07T14:47:00.000-08:00

Hi Peeps! Well not a lot has happened lately so not much to post about. I will be leaving tomorrow for Napa to visit Jessica. I think it will be a lot of fun! I just signed up for the last class needed to complete my Associates! Finally, after 10 years in college I have something to show for it :) Paul and I have decided to wait on getting another dog. Jazzygirl made some good points and I agree. Diasy has not had the chance to show us what kind of dog she really is and if we rush into getting another dog now, we may never know.

Anyways, I am actually getting excited about skiing this year! I decided that this year I am going to ski where I want to ski instead of making myself miserable trying to keep up with everyone who is better than me. When I do that I end the ski day frustrated and pissed off because I spent most of the day either on my ass or getting up from being on my ass. This year I will start out doing what I am comfortable doing and slowly push myself out of my comfort zone. I know it's impossible to get better if you never push yourself but I want to do it at my own pace, not other people's.

Merry Christmas!!!!

2008-12-25T20:18:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas everyone!! Paul and I had a great Christmas :) We are in Quincy with my mom and step dad. They have a house way up in the mountains and we got about 4 inches of snow today and the power went went out for a few hours. It got down to about 60 degrees in the house and we weren't sure if we'd be able to have Christmas dinner but luckily the power came back on in time. Other than that it's been a pretty mellow day. We had a great dinner and opened presents this evening instead of this morning. It was my idea. I like the fact that you get to look forward to something all day instead of opening the presents in the morning. Anyways, I hope everyone had a great Christmas too!

2008-12-20T15:31:00.001-08:00

I missed my old template :(

New addition??

2008-12-20T15:08:00.000-08:00

I think that Paul and I should get another dog. It's kind of a scary thought b/c two dogs is a way bigger responsibility than one dog. I was thinking about it and if we had two dogs then taking them on a walk without a leash would be twice as much work, leaving them with friends/parents for a week would be twice as difficult, and any medical care would be twice as expensive. The reason I think that we should get another dog is that I think Daisy is the kind of dog that would love to have another dog around all the time. Zoe was different; I thought that it would be almost unfair to her for us to get another dog b/c she loved being our only child and soaking up every single drop of love we had to give and that was plenty for her. Daisy, for now anyways, is not content with just us. She wanders around the house whining and crying, playing with all of her random toys by herself. We try to give her the amount of attention that will keep her happy but I'm not sure we can. I think that she would absolutely love a brother or sister!

I went to the Longmont Humane Society today as well as a lady's house that had 9 wk old blk lab puppies. The problem is that Paul and I are leaving for almost a week on Tues and I don't think that Paul's dad (his mom will be out of town) is up to the task of taking care of a 9 wk old puppy on his own for that long!

The staff at the Humane Society in Longmont does a terrific job of writing little paragraphs about each dog and his/her personality right on the enclosure they are in. What is unfortunate is that almost every single dog has a problem with either kids, cats, or other dogs. We all know who wears the pants in the Pamber household.....Kitty! So not just any dog will do. Also, Paul's sister has little kids, little kids play out in the park, and little kids are just about everywhere so a dog that likes to eat little kids would not be the best fit for us either. Even though I am a huge proponent for adopting adult dogs, I'm not sure that we would be able to make that work.

The reason I am writing this, other than because I am bored, is because I'd like some feed back. What do you guys think about us getting another dog? and a puppy at that?

2008-12-11T12:35:00.000-08:00

I really don't understand why people keep reptiles as pets. Isn't the purpose of a pet to keep you company, become a companion, offer affection or entertain you in some way? Reptiles don't do anything. They barely even move from one spot to another. Just from previous experience, if there is a reptile in a tank or cage of some sort, I am lucky if I can even see it! They're always blending in and hiding...I guess, doing what reptiles do. Anyways, I just don't really get it. Spending the money to feed and house them, cleaning their tank, buying a bigger tank when they out grow the one they are in; it all just seems like a lot of work for not a lot of reward.

The Good and The Bad

2008-12-08T16:55:00.000-08:00

In high school and the years following (before moving out to Boulder) my Mom would constantly tell me to slow down, get some rest, take a break, etc.. In high school I was involved in so many activities (including planning keggers for the weekends) that I never had a chance to slow down. Then I got a job that I loved but had to be at for 60 hrs a week just to pay the bills (plus planning the keggers for the weekend :) If I didn't have somewhere to be or something to finish or someplace to go I didn't know what to do with myself. I was always on the go. Then I moved here and settled in. Yes I am going to school but I have never had so much free time in my life and I think there are good things and bad things associated with that.

The good things are: I have gotten really into cooking; something I never would have allowed myself to explore in the olden times. I'm trying to turn our "house" into a "home" which does take a bit of work. I can be somewhat spontaneous when it comes to trips Paul takes and gatherings that occur. I can go home to visit my folks and friends a lot more often than a lot of people get the opportunity to.

The bad things are: I find myself watching more TV than I ever have in my entire life. I have gained 10lbs since moving here. I drink more than I should. I have a lower self esteem b/c I am not as busy which means a poorer self image. I am more anal about certain things which I am not entirely certain comes from my lack of preoccupation....it could just be me getting older and more grumpy :)

Anyways, I truly want to return to the working world someday but I hope to find a happy balance between work and life. I think that feeling like you are a part of something; that you have a purpose everyday is crucial to ones well being. I know that I was happy when I was working 60 hrs a week and barely paying my bills....and I am happy now not working and having no trouble paying my bills...but there is always room for improvement and I will seek out that which will make me even more happy.

I Should Never Have Gotten Out Of Bed

2008-11-23T11:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that everyone has had one of those days where it seems that everything just sucks. Well, I had one of those days on Friday. Friday I was scheduled to do a hospital rotation for my EMT class. The hospital was North Suburban Medical Center in Thornton. For those of you who don't know, I spent the majority of my life for three years either in a hospital or on an ambulance so the idea of spending 12 hrs of my free time in hospital emergency room and not getting paid for it really sucked! So got up at 6 a.m. and drove the 30min to the hospital. When I arrived I was assigned to follow around a nurse named Tawana who had a huge attitude and an even bigger ass. Basically I was treated as a nobody, a tag along, and an idiot. After what felt like 4 hours I looked at the clock and only 20 minutes had passed since I had arrived. This is going to be the longest day of my life, I thought.

I already new that nurses use very little critical thinking in their line of work. They are a lot like servers at a restaurant. They greet you when you come in, bring you stuff, and check on you every now and then. When you are ready to go, they check you out/bring you your bill. It was so terrible. Then I hung out with tech (EMT that works in the ER) for a bit and she told me how cool her job was there. I told her I had worked as an EMT for a few years so if I didn't seem super excited to be there, don't take it personally.

After a few more millennia passed, an ambulance brought in an 80 year old cardiac arrest patient. They were doing CPR on her when they arrived. At this point I had to pretend like I was excited and eager to see what this was all about. The truth is, I haven't done CPR a lot and there is a reason for that...I hate it! It sucks, it's smelly, and there is a good chance that you'll get vomit all over you. So when the EMT says, "so are you ready to try CPR?" I thought to myself, "are you an idiot? I just told you that I was an EMT for 3 years!!" SO I politely said, "I don't really need to do CPR unless you really want me to" and she looked at me, a little pissed off, and said "Yes I do want you to..You're a student!" So I began smooshing on this poor old lady's chest and it was very, very smelly and I almost lost my lunch.

After a few more agonizing hours I did something a little devious. I made up an excuse and got the hell out of there. 6 hours was about all I could take and I felt like if I didn't get out of there it was only going to get worse.

I realize that it sounds like I really didn't give the experience a chance and that I had a bad attitude right off the bat but that isn't true. I started off giving the situation the benefit of the doubt. I knew it was going to suck but I knew that there were positive things to be gained as well. Perhaps some day I would be working in that ER or maybe the nurse I was to shadow would be really cool or maybe I would meet some people that were really nice. Well, none of that happened and it was totally the opposite. The truth is, I tried really hard and got absolutely nothing for my efforts. Anyways, I probably should have just stayed in bed :)

My Aching Back

2008-11-06T16:21:00.000-08:00

So woke up sleep deprived again today. I'm not sure what is happening but all of a sudden our mattress is killing my back. It all started about 6 months ago. I would wake up in the middle of the night with one side of my back hurting. Usually I would just get up, walk around a little, stretch and then head back to bed and it would be fine. Lately, that tactic is not working anymore. Like clockwork I wake up every night at around 3:30 a.m. Because the stretching routine is not working anymore I am forced to sleep in the guest bedroom. The bed in there is much more firm and my back immediately feels better when I lay down on it.

I think that Paul and I have to get rid of our bed. It sucks because it is so huge that a replacement will undoubtedly be pricey and I'm not sure what to do with the one we have. I could try to sell it on Craigslist but used mattresses are hard to sell.....I wonder why??

So, if anyone wants an incredibly comfortable, Cal King mattress....I'm your girl!!

Squirrely Nerds

2008-11-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

If I Were I Cat

2008-10-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

Most likely a homeless cat after this performance ;)

If Paul Were a Cat

2008-10-28T15:11:00.000-07:00

2008-10-23T16:59:00.001-07:00

This is how I feel a lot of the time lately. I can't really pinpoint the reason I feel this way other than the fact that there are a lot of little reasons. I also can't tell if it is other people causing me to feel this way or if it is a change in my own attitude and perspective. All I know is that I don't like feeling this way and lately I am a bit annoyed with myself. I am hoping it has something to do with the planets and the stars and whatnot, and it will resolve itself on it's own. Unfortunately, things are hardly ever that easy.

2008-10-09T19:15:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile I know. If you're still checking this blog....my apologies. Well, most of you know that we have made a new addition to our family. After going to the Humane Society to volunteer, Paul and I ended up taking home a 3 month old black lab. We named her Daisy.

We hadn't planned on it but it just kind of happened. She is a very sweet dog with a very small bladder! She hasn't yet learned how not to view our house as a giant toilet, but we are working on it.

It's a really weird thing. Paul and I both are still searching for her "personality". She is still very young so it may be too soon to tell what kind of dog she will be someday. I think she has potential because she really wants to please and hasn't shown any rebellious type behavior. She always comes when she is called and she has learned how to sit. She is a sweetheart but she's starting out in the negative. I know this isn't fair to her but she has some pretty large shoes to fill. I catch myself being disappointed at times in her behavior because she is acting so much like a dog. I realize I cannot allow myself to compare her to Zoe because I will always be disappointed. She is a unique creature that I will learn to love but there are those obstacles that I face.

She has made it a little easier around the house. When I come home, instead of immediately missing Zoe, I see Daisy. She is a sweet girl and she has a big heart. Having her around doesn't make me miss Zoe any less but she helps me focus on the present and helps me smile when I otherwise wouldn't.

2008-09-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

It's been three weeks and I am still waiting for it to get easier. I didn't just lose a pet, I lost my best friend. I lost the girl that I sought every time I had a bad day, the girl that went hiking with me on summer evenings, the girl that kept me company on so many long road trips, the girl who rested her head on my shoulder and said more with her eyes than words could ever say. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. Every moment that I am not distracted, I am thinking of her. I don't see the day in the near future when I won't cry for her. I miss her so terribly.

Sometimes I feel as if I have misplaced something but I don't know what it is. Like something should be with me but isn't. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away. I kind of hope it doesn't.

Long Road to Recovery

2008-08-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

It's been five days since Zoe died. Five days since the impossible became a reality. It's been five days full of tears and long silences in which my mind is absorbed in thoughts of her. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning because I can't seem to find a reason to. I walk through the house and I expect to see her around every corner. I come home from being somewhere and catch myself feeling excited to see her. When I am putting the dishes away I still do it very quietly because the noise would scare her.

I know that with time I will stop replaying the circumstances in my head a hundred times a day. And I will stop hearing those words that brought me to my knees in the vet office that day. But for now that is what I do. I just miss her so much. I feel that if I stop thinking about her, even for a moment, it means that I am forgetting her. I know that is silly but I feel like thinking about her keeps her close to me.

It has been so helpful having friends around that loved her to. All of the support has really meant a lot. Our house is full of flowers, food and cards from people that knew Zoe and knew how very special she was.

Zoe's Conclusion

2008-08-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

Well I am sure most of you know by now but Zoe passed away on August 18, 2008. It was Monday morning and we were taking her into the vet to get some blood work done because it had been a full week since she had eaten anything and she was going down hill pretty fast. Before we left I took her outside to potty and she laid down in the grass facing away from the house. I let her lay out there until we were ready to leave because she seemed to enjoy it.

On our way to the vet she sat by the window and stuck her head out like she always did. Paul and I thought this was a good sign because for the past few days we couldn't get her interested in anything. When we arrived at the vet Paul had to carry Zoe inside because she was so weak and was obviously scared of this place. Once inside, a vet tech came to get Zoe. Zoe didn't want to go so the woman had to practically drag Zoe into the back. Paul and I were then led into a room to speak with the vet. Our vet, Dr. Peterson, came in after looking at Zoe and told us he would be doing some blood work because Zoe was very sick. He was then called out of the office by someone and returned momentarily. He said "Zoe has just arrested, they are doing CPR on her."

He left us in the room and came back about five minutes later and said that nothing they were doing was working and they had stopped resuscitation.

Needless to say, that was the worst day of my life and today is the second worst day of my life. I have suffered a great deal of losses in my life of people that I loved, but somewhere in the back of my mind it was always somewhat expected. The possibility that Zoe could die never crossed my mind. And when it happened it felt like my heart was pulled from my chest and now there is just a big, empty space where it used to be and it is the most unbearable pain I have ever known. Zoe was a light that brightened every one's life that she touched. She was nothing but goodness and love and now she is gone.

The Dr. did blood work after she had passed and he said that she was in kidney failure and her potassium levels were extremely high, which is why she went into cardiac arrest. He attributes her kidney failure to one of the drugs she was given during the course of her surgeries. He said that about .02% of dogs have this kind of reaction and it is extremely rare. He told us that even if he had diagnosed the problem sooner there was a very small chance that he could have reversed the damage.

So Zoe just got really unlucky. When we took her in for her second surgery the Dr told us that in all of his 20 years of performing these surgeries, he had seen a bent plate like Zoe's only a handful of times and that she probably just took an unlucky jump which bent the plate.

I don't really know what else to say. Everyone who knew Zoe loved her. I don't need to write about what an amazing dog she was because everyone who reads this blog already knows. She was always there, always with us. I know Paul and I are not the only ones who are going to miss her. The only regret that I have about her time here was that it wasn't enough. She had another 10 years to give us but fate had another plan.

I love you Zoe. Thank you for being a part of my life. You found your way to a place in my heart that dogs just aren't suppose to find. I think I loved you from the minute I met you and I promise I'll never stop.

2008-08-14T17:32:00.000-07:00

Well, Zoe has been home now for two days and hasn't eaten a bit of food. We took her back to the vet today and he doesn't seem overly concerned even though she has lost 10 lbs. since she went in for her first surgery. Her leg seems to be doing fine though. She is very sullen and withdrawn. We take her out to potty and all she wants to do is come back inside and lay in her crate. She couldn't care less about who is coming or going. It's so hard. I feel like my mental disposition is linked directly to her well being. I can hardly think of anything else but her. I know that might be a bit unhealthy for me, but she is pretty much my world :)

On a brighter note.... I will definitely be able to apply to the P.A. program this Fall. I had to jump through some hoops but finally managed to sign up for my final prerequisite which I will take this Fall. If I don't get in this year it's off to CU to get my bachelors. I looked into some majors that interested me in the science field but unfortunately, they all require either three years of high school or three semesters of a college foreign language. The only other thing that interested me was philosophy so that is probably what I will major in if it comes down to it.

Saga cont.....

2008-08-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

We took Zoe back to the vet yesterday and got some very bad news. It turns out that she now has a broken fibula and the plate that had been attached to her tibia and femur to keep them aligned was severely bent. The vet said that in all of his 13 years of performing this surgery, he has only seen something like this 5 times. I was completely shocked! I admit that paul and I didn't keep her as quit as we should have but it wasn't like we let her go nuts. I felt absolutely crushed. We had let Zoe down and now she has to have yet another surgery and stay in the facility until Tues.
The vet, Dr. Peterson, is awesome. He did her first surgery and he is letting her stay at the facility for free and not charging us a surgical fee for her second surgery. He says that we caught it in time and he should be able to repair the damage with no problems. When she comes home she will have an external brace that is screwed into her leg above the knee joint and below. Paul and I will get a larger crate and keep her in there 24/7!!! Please send her good thoughts :)

Zoe Saga

2008-08-07T12:15:00.000-07:00

Well, Zoe's surgery went really well and as soon as we got her home she was walking with only a minimal limp. I think that we made a big mistake though. Because she was doing so well we kind of just let her wander around the house like normal. She jumped up on the bed a few times when we weren't watching and climbed a flight of stairs as well. When she began to limp a little worse we decided to cut her way back on the activity she was doing and now we are even crating her at all times except when she goes out to do her business. I'm just really afraid it's too little too late. I hope that we did not allow her to injure herself by allowing her more freedom than we should have. We are going to the vet in about an hour to get her checked out. Keep your fingers crossed.

Violins

2008-07-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to find some music with violins in it. The kind that is a mix between 'The Last of the Mohican's' sound track and the 'Soggy Bottom Boys'. I thought that this would be easy but all I can find is classical violin or violin music with tons of sappy singing going along with it. To me the violin is one of the best instruments out there and I love violin music. If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE let me know!! :)

Going Under The Knife

2008-07-19T11:20:00.000-07:00

A lot of people know that Zoe has not been 100% lately. The vet says she has a partially torn CCL (equivalent to an ACL in people) She has her good days and on those days I convince myself that she is getting better on her own....which is actually impossible but I tell myself that anyways. The truth is, I am scared to death of her having surgery. So many things can go wrong. What if she is worse off after the surgery than before? What if she has a bad reaction to the anesthesia? What if the Vet who is operating tied one on the night before? I just feel like it is a huge risk. I know that most of my concerns are unfounded and over the top but if a choice I made somehow led to her suffering, I would never forgive myself.

Surgery is set for the 28th. We have to drop her off at 7a.m. and pick her up the next day. She has to remain almost immobile for the first two weeks and then she is allowed to take 5min walks up to five times a day.

2008-06-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

I rushed up to my computer after hearing ColdPlay perform a song on The Daily Show because I was so inspired that I had to write something. But, once I got to my computer I had to restart it b/c the internet wasn't working then it popped up with some AOL site that I could not exit out of. I was forced to create a new site and let that site become a tab. This really sucks because I was so jazzed about this song I just heard and so wanting to blog about it's greatness and then was the subject of some crap that AOL is forcing upon me which changed my entire mood completely. WTF people??

Anyways, the song was amazing and I am hoping to recoup some of the magic it bestowed upon me despite the obsticles I have been confronted with. It has been a very long time since a song has had that great of an impact on me. Most of the time I need to hear a song AT LEAST twice before it digs it's way into my subconcsious.

I am so, and have always been, so envious of those people that put into words what I feel so much of the time. I have tried, as I'm sure many people have, to write my own poems. I learned to play the guitar but was never diligent enough to be any good. I wrote songs with no music. I tried desperately to put on paper what I felt in my soul for a very long time. I eventually gave up on it. I think my mom kept all of my journals of poems in some boxes. I am hoping to be able to go through some of that stuff when I go back in a few days. Anyways, I heard a song tonight that really moved me. That happens so rarely that I felt I should blog about it.

2008-06-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

All around the house is dust and dog hair and the like
I try to vacuum it up to make the floor pretty and bright
But Zoe seems to think her hair belongs on the floor
No matter what a tell her, she keeps shedding more and more

Maybe I will shave all of her hair right off
Then there will be no more of her hair that she could toss
All over the floor making it yucky, dirty and gross
I think that is a good idea, well, pretty good at most

Then there is the matter of a kitty cat you see
She is quite a particular cat, as particular as could be
She sheds as well and there's not much I can do
Perhaps she will be fond of a nice summer doo (hair doo that is :)

2008-06-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

I look at little children with their sticky hands and food encrusted faces, listening to them yell and scream at their mother (b/c usually there is no male figure that seems to own these children) and I see a mother all smiles as if she is actually living in a different realm than her children. Personally, if I was being screamed at by another person, despite their age, I would be a bit concerned. These mothers, however, appear to not even realize they are being screamed at. Nor do they realize that everyone is staring at them and sending them, via ESM (extra sensory mail), that their child is insanely annoying and loud and please shut them the H%#@ up! What is this?? How do perfectly sane, socially functioning women lose one of their five senses post childbirth??

2008-06-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

I have had a goal for about the last 4 years. I think everyone should have a goal. For a long time I was worried about my goals and my passions or rather, lack there of. While living in Reno and dipping a toe or two in the on-line dating pond, I realized that I wasn't really "passionate" about anything and my "goals" were to pay my bills during any given month and remain in the black.

In the dating world people are always asking about future goals and current passions. "Who are you?" , "What do you stand for?", "What do you like to do?". I was never, ever good at answering those questions and I kind of beat myself up for it. I felt like I must be lacking in one of the areas that make a human a human or maybe I just kind of sucked.

Anywho, back to the point. The questions I had to ask myself in order fill out all those forms forced me to take stock of a few things. First of all, I needed to passionate about something and second of all, gosh darn it...I needed a goal! My goal back then was to become a Physicians Assistant. I saw them day in and day out. I saw the respect they got from the nurses in the ER and how well they fielded questions from my Paramedic partners.....also, they make pretty good money.

The crazy thing is, I am pretty close to my goal! I never in a million years thought I would get this close. What always happens to me when I set out to accomplish something is that I get sidetracked. I pick something new to pursue and eventually end up getting nowhere and accomplishing squat. So, anyways I'm pretty excited to see what the next year will bring and all that good stuff :)

It's Slacker Time!

2008-05-10T19:36:00.000-07:00

Man, what is up with the end of the semester? It's like all of a sudden, one has a shift in all priorities. For three months straight it's nothing but school in the back of the brain, nagging at you, making you feel guilty that you aren't dedicated enough, hounding you in your sleep....Then, out of nowhere, you crest a mountain top that is the end of the semester!! It is elation by it's very definition. My brain is scattered b/c although I have two finals left, school is over. I have to convince my brain that it can't go on vacation just yet. This is very hard. The weather is beautiful, I already have final grades for two of my classes....can't it just be over??

WTF

2008-05-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

You know what's funny? And I think most bloggers can attest to this as well. It seems that the more thought that one puts into a blog post, the less comments received. For me personally, the posts that I have spent a great deal of time on and feel are just super....I generally get only one comment and that comment is from the Kwickfish, bless his little heart :) But when I post about things like studying in the coffee shop or I write a completely random off the wall "poem" I get a good response. What is up with this?? What is the goings on? ;)

2008-05-02T12:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I tend to get myself into debates with people that I probably shouldn't. Mostly it's just because I love to debate. I will even debate with someone that I totally agree with just because it's so fun. But I realize that some people are not able to come to that line that separates a debate from an argument, and not cross it. It's very easy for a simple conversation to escalate into a debate and then further escalate into a full blown argument. One person should probably recognize the volatility of exchange and stop it from going further but that might be like trying to stop a freight train with a cracker.

I was recently part of a lovely debate about marriage. The idea of marriage has always intrigued me because I find it difficult to justify marriage in any logical language. Why should a happy couple, living together with all the perks of a married couple, take the plunge? Why is having a husband so different than having a boyfriend? What is so significant about the contract of marriage? If you are in love with someone and they are in love with you, isn't that enough?

These are all questions that I have been asked in previous debates about marriage. Personally, I believe in marriage and hope to get married some day. Still, it is difficult for me to answer the questions above with any solid, concrete facts. I went to bed last night thinking about this and I think I may have come up with a reason that I can live with.

Dating is like going to the pound to pick out a dog. When you are at the pound you can peruse the dogs looking for the perfect one. If you think you've found the perfect one you can take him/her outside and spend sometime getting to know them. If, after spending some time with the dog you decide it probably wouldn't work out and it's just not the kind of dog you're looking for, you aren't obligated to adopt the dog. You can go back in and take out another dog or wait and come back another day. This, to me, is kind of like dating.

Marriage is the point at which you feel like you have found the right dog and are willing to commit to that dog through adoption. I think, even at this point, a lot of people don't feel obligated. They still feel that they are taking the dog home on a trial basis. They have not mentally committed to the relationship. Isn't this a lot like marriage? Suppose you get the dog home and it chews up your shoes, pees in the closet, gets into the trash, etc. Obviously, for a lot of people, taking the dog back seems like a great solution. But some people realize that when they brought this dog home, they made a commitment and they'll honor that commitment even though things are little different than they had hoped.

Anyways, I realize this is a terrible analogy and I deeply apologize. It was between this one and "dating is a lot like test driving a car" :) Either way, to me, marriage is the hand shake that seals the deal and I think that is as close as I am going to get to defining what it means to me.

I would welcome any other analogies you guys might have! :)

2008-04-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

Yippy Skippy Spring is Here!
I think I'll have a beer
or two or three and play some ball
I sit around until I get the call

Some things about spring that I really like
Are all the flowers and the pike
Fishy fish swim in the lake
I don't have a bike so I guess I will skate

To the store to get some wheat thins
Because paul at them all last night
They are my favorite cracker being so thin
sometimes I give them to Zoe

Just a little rant

2008-04-15T16:56:00.000-07:00

I used to absolutely hate riding the bus home from school because there were these two brothers that teased me the entire way. They knew that I was a bunny loving tree hugger and would torment me with stories about how they kicked their dogs and shot squirrels for fun. I used to get so mad that I would literally burst into tears and I remember thinking, why doesn't anyone else say something to these losers?

We watched a video today in my Ethics class called "The Peaceable Kingdom". It was a documentary on factory farming. After the lights were turned back on I looked around at the class and at least one half were crying including myself. I'd like to think that there is a consciousness building in our society about the little choices we make everyday and how these little choices have huge consequences. I think it's a little bit easier in Boulder because everywhere you look someone is trying to save the world in their own little way. I had no idea that purchasing a cup of coffee was contributing to demise of migratory song birds or that by drinking milk I am financially contributing to fuel that powers veal market.

I hate caring about these things. I think about them on my way to school, on my way home from school, when I'm at the grocery store, the gas station, the mall...when I watch T.V or go hiking and most annoyingly, when I am trying to go to sleep at night. I used to irritate myself because I would be so serious about this stuff all the time and my friends got really tired of it. So I quit and vowed to lighten up.

I guess my point, if I have one, is that sometimes it's just plain easier not to care and a lot of the time lately I wish I didn't care. But I cared on the bus in elementary school and I'll probably care on the next bus I get on.

I HAD a dream

2008-04-12T18:14:00.000-07:00

My dream was weird and I woke up in a panic. I dreamed that I had died and was in a kind of line waiting to get into heaven. I noticed that everyone was carrying a bag. It was the same kind of bag everyone was carrying but some were really full and some really empty. My bag was really quite empty and I didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. As a approached what looked like a podeum and a man standing behind it, I noticed that he was checking everyones bag. Some people were allowed to pass and others were told to go another way based on the contents of their bags. I was a little worried at this point.

Once I arrived at the podium the man asked to look into my bag. As he did I felt my stomach (or what used to be my stomach) rise up into my throat. He said to me, "Do you know what this is?" I said, "No." He said, "These are all of the good things that you have done for others in your life." At that moment I felt really terrible. In all of my life the good things I had done couldn't even fill up a bag.

After this happened I woke up. I'm not sure I got into heaven but one thing is for sure. I have a lot of work to do :)

2008-04-10T13:01:00.000-07:00

I have had a total of 8 speeding tickets in my life, three of which occured when I 16 years old. My parents.....not happy. I don't know why, maybe a lot of people are like this, but I feel that if I'm not going at least 5 over the limit I'm going way too slow. It is nearly impossible for me to stay at or below the speed limit. It's actually kind of annoying. Even when I know I'm going to get to school too early and have to wait around for class to start, I still can't stay in the slow lane. Every time a see highway patrol I get butterflies and quickly let off the gas b/c I just assume that I am most likely speeding....it's bit exhausting actually. It would be nice to see a cop once in a while and not feel that immediate sense of panic. O-well, maybe I can blame on my shoes, they're just really heavy officer.

2008-04-02T12:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why, but studying or reading in the atmosphere of a coffee shop is so much easier than doing it at home. But it doesn't really make sense. A coffee shop is loud, the people can be distracting, and I find myself listening in to other's conversations and having to force myself to get back on track. But for some reason I get so much more done. Maybe one of the reasons is that at home I get to thinking about the dirty dishes, piles of laundry, taking Zoe for a walk, etc. and up spending only half of my studying time actually studying. Plus, I make a terrible cup of coffee!! I don't know what the heck happened. I used to wake up every morning and make coffee and it was awesome! Now, everytime, its either too dark, too bitter, too watery or burnt. So, off to the coffee shop I go! :)

Fighting a good fight

2008-03-30T19:34:00.000-07:00

As a lot of you may already know, since moving to Colorado I have taken a great interest in prairie dogs. I had never seen a prairie dog before coming to CO. I see them everyday on my way to school at Frontrange in Westminster and I say to myself that one of these days I'm going to run off the road because I'm too busy prairie dog watching.

Shortly after my first semester at Frontrange began, I noticed that acres and acres of land on both sides of Sheridan were being plowed. I couldn't for the life of me think of any reason this was being done. It was obvious that it wasn't because they were planning on developing the land (not in the near future anyways) so what the f? I'm sure there was some reason but it bothered me so much because that land was home to thousands of prairie dogs and these tractors were bulldozing everything in site with no concern for them.

I couldn't think of anything else to do so I e-mailed all of the city councilors of Westminster and gave them a piece of my mind. I also e-mailed the prairie dog coalition asking for advice but I never heard back from them. So that was last semester; this semester all those acres and acres of land are still just sitting there....plowed. The prairie dogs seem to be just fine and all is well for now.

So the reason for this post is my new crusade for the prairie dogs! There is a lot on the northwest side of Sheridan and 112th that has been under development for a long time now but the development has been moving really slowly. There are prairie dogs on the lot that have been having to cross the sidewalk to find food in the manicured lawn next to Sheridan for about 2 months. I see them over there everyday on my way to school and it breaks my heart. There is absolutely no where else for them to go. The lot is bordered on two sides by road, another side by a gas station, and on the other side I believe there is a preschool or something. Basically they are stranded and at the mercy of the bulldozers.

About a week ago I noticed that the development was picking up, there was a lot of heavy equipment around, and they were starting to build. And there were the prairie dogs...everyday, forced out into the only place they could still find grass. It was SO sad! I realized that if the day came that I drove to school and the lot was paved and there were no more prairie dogs to be seen that I would blame myself because I waited for someone else to do something instead of being proactive and doing something myself.

So two weeks ago I e-mailed the prairie dog coalition and got no reply. So I e-mailed them again and still no reply. Finally I called and got a msg that everyone would be out of the office until the19th. I waited and called on the 19th and spoke with someone who said they would read my e-mail and get back to me. Two days went by and no e-mail, so I called again. They told me they never received my e-mail so I gave them my e-mail address and I finally received an e-mail the following day giving me pointers on how to start the relocation process. I started by calling a few of the well know relocators and got a hold of someone that had actually started the process of moving those very same prairie dogs months ago. Unfortunately she had had to go in for emergency heart surgery and was unable to finish the process. She told me that to her knowledge there were no more prairie dogs at that location. She was happy to hear that some had survived and willing to engage in the process of moving them once again. She gave me the contact number for the development company and agreed to start some of the necessary paper work.

I called the development company and spoke to the woman whose name had been given to me by the relocator. This woman was a complete idiot. I told her that I, along with a well known prairie dog relocator were beginning the process to move the animals off the lot and if she could please forgo any plans on poisoning or other lethal means of removal it would be greatly appreciated. She told me that there weren't any prairie dogs on the land that they had all left. I thought to myself, "Um, yeah, but I'm calling about the imaginary prairie dogs ?" I mean, seriously? Why the hell would I waste my time tracking down your number if there weren't any prairie dogs? I'm hoping this company is just an equal opportunity employer and required to hire a certain amount of dumbasses

Anywho, I informed her that there were indeed still prairie dogs living on the land and to please let me know if any plan was to be implimented to get rid of them. She agreed and we hung up. Whether her tiny little brain was able to comprehend the words coming out of my mouth is still uncertain.

Last week sometime bulldozers plowed over the only remaining burrows of the prairie dogs. And they didn't just plow over them, they piled about four feet of dirt on top of them. I found this out two nights ago when I went out there to throw some hay and veggies for them (Deb, the relocator, told me I could do this to supplement their scarce food supply and also to get them used to treats so that they would be easier to trap)

Needless to say, I was devastated. I was almost in tears thinking that if I had only acted sooner they might all still be alive. I was also very pissed off because I had just spoken to a woman, however incompetent she was, who assured me that they would be fine on the outskirts of the lot until early June at least! What a lying biatch! So, not giving up hope, I went back there today to see if I could see any prairie dogs and I did. There were three that I could see, down from the five or six I usually see, but maybe the others were being shy. So I gave them more food and I will continue doing what I can to help them get out of there.

Sorry this was so long, I have even more to say but I'll save it for later. :)

softball is fun!

2008-03-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

We played some softball today and it was great! A ton of people showed up and I think we are going to have a really strong team. I hope I'll be able to play. I am seriously thinking about taking an EMT class this summer and it takes place 5:30-10:00pm, Mon-Fri. I think the class starts in the beginning of June and goes through the middle of July. Maybe they'll decide to change the time, I'll keep my fingers crossed! Hmmm, but we can't a winning team without a winning name. Any ideas???

Shake and Bake Baby!!

2008-03-28T17:44:00.000-07:00

Paul and I just got back from a weekend trip to my hometown for a little snowmobiling action! We met my friends Josh and Candice at the airport and stayed one night in Reno at their place then headed to Quincy the following morning. We gathered the troops (me, Paul, josh,Candice, Candice's brother Ben, Josh's friend Keith, and Candice's friend aurora) and hauled six snowmobiles to Bucks Lake. Bucks Lake is like a miniature version of Lake Tahoe....it's awesome. I've been spending summers up there since I was twelve.

Anyways, once we arrived at the mountain summit we had to park and unload the snowmobiles and ride the rest of the way in on them. We made our way about a mile and half to Bucks Lake Lodge. In the winter this lodge is only accessible via snowmobile. It is a restaurant/bar and a bunch of cabins. We had rented one of the cabins for Fri/Sat night.

Friday night we did a night ride and it was incredible. For those of you who aren't familiar with snowmobiles, they are a lot like jet skis but on the snow. You can get them up to about 140 mph and they can climb pretty much anything! They also have headlights for night riding. So we took a trip around the lake in the light of a full moon, it was beautiful!

The next day we all woke up around 9:30 and went for another ride. It great because you can bring beer with you for the ride and take beer breaks every 20 minutes or so! After a couple of hours of riding we were headed back to the lake to meet up with Candice's family at another cabin. On our way back, Josh, Ben and Paul cruised up the side of a steep hill to goof around. After about 10 minutes both Josh and Ben had returned, but no Paul. They went back up to find him and find him they did....with his snowmobile stuck vertical, head first in a tree well. Paul observed the "ownage of the tree" but was basically uninjured otherwise.

It took about 30 min to dig out the snowmobile, luckily it was unharmed as well because it was being borrowed from Candice's cousin Chris. We finally met up with the rest of the family and all of us (about 12 people in all) took off once again to explore the countryside. We all stopped at a hill that was pretty cool for goofing around and hung out there for about an hour, trading snowmobiles and cruising around. Well, once again everyone returned to the bottom but no Paul. So a couple of us went up to look for him. I found him with his snowmobile stuck in about 3 feet of slushy snow (it was about 4:30 in the afternoon by now and it had been sunny all day) on a very steep hill. I ran up the hill to help him dig it out and was soon joined by some others. In Paul's defense, there were other tracks going up the hill so it wasn't a completely crazy attempt! Once we got him unburied we realized that in his attempt to free himself he had burned up the belt and the snowmobile was no longer mobile. The first incident Paul was riding Chris's snowmobile, this time he was riding Chris's wife's snowmobile. So it took us about a half an hour to replace the belt and we were on our way once again. Needless to say, Paul had established quite a reputation for himself by now! :) Once back at the Lake it was time for some Tree Smackers!!

Bucks Lake is famous for it's Tree Smackers. It's a concoction similar to a Long Island Ice Tea but more fruity. They are VERY dangerous and called a Tree Smacker for a reason. So we ended the day with a few drinks and then hung out in the cabin playing Whales Tales for the rest of the night. We headed home the next morning. By this time, I was so sore I could barely walk. Every muscle in my body hurt and I actually fell down once b/c my legs just gave out. A lot of people don't realize what a physical sport snowmobiling is. But you are pretty much standing up the whole time and throwing your weight around all day.

All and all, good times were had!

It's all downhill from here

2008-03-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda hooked on playing low buy-in sit -n-gos right now. I play the 5 to 10 dollar 18 to 27 person tourneys and have cashed in the last four I have played. It's the first time my Stars account has ever increased without outside influences. I think I have figured out why.

I use the analogy of skiing because it's the first thing that comes to mind. When I first started skiing, I was a balls out, straight down the hill kind of skier....making turns was for wussies! After learning how to ski when I was 17, I tried out for the high school ski team and ended up wiping the floor with all the veteran girls on the team in the giant slalom event! Needless to say, I didn't make any new friends that winter :) Anyways, I ended up qualifying for State Championships that year and got 31st out 120 in the G.S event. Crazy right?! But did I mention that I couldn't finish a regular slalom course to save my life? That's my point! Skiing a regular slalom course requires skill, finesse, and experience. I had none of those things. What I did have was no fear and that is why making those "giant" sweeping curves down the mountain was right up my alley.

Anyways, because giant slalom was what I loved, I had no desire to venture off the corduroy into waist deep powder and spend the day soaking wet and freezing cold. I kept to the groomers and improved my form for the next few years to come. Finally, I had no choice. My friends forced me out of my comfort zone into the fluffy stuff. Man, was it terrible! I felt like it was my first day ever skiing! I was noob once again! After a few hours of torture I finally returned to the groomers and I couldn't wait to rip it up down the hill. But oh no! As soon as I set ski on that trail I felt like Darrell Hannah in Splash the first time she trades her tail in for two legs. I couldn't get my form down, I kept catching an edge, I was putting all my weight behind me...I was completely screwed up. It took me another 3 runs to finally feel like I was back in the saddle.

My point is, poker is like skiing. You have cash games and your tourneys. Just like you have regular slalom and giant slalom, powder and groomed. I came into the game of poker a completely unskilled player, knowing absolutely nothing about poker. Therefore, I accelerated at the low buy-in sit-n-go's. Low buy in sit-n-go's are my giant slalom event. Then I tried to play cash games. Paul worked with me, Bag worked with me, Ben worked with me....heck, even Truman worked with me. It was obvious I was not a cash game player so back to the sit-n-go's I went :) But funny thing, after all that cash game play, my tourney game was completely screwed up! I couldn't make it to a final table if my life depended on it. I had been skiing in the cash game powder and when I returned to the comforts of my corduroy sit-n-go's I didn't stand a chance.

The light at the end of the tunnel:
The last time I was in Vegas with Paul we met out friends Justin and Katie (ha! Wolf, if you're reading this...that was for you!) and Katie and I played in a 50 person tournament at Ceasers 2 days in a row. The first day I asked Paul if he had any advice for me and he said "Just play old school kermy style." So, I really tried to be crazy and bludgeon people. Unfortunately, their battle axes were a little bigger than mine and I was out in 33 place :(

The next day Katie and I entered into the same tournament determined to stick it out. I replayed all my stupidly, non-kermy style, played hands from the previous day in my mind and formed a game plan. I kinda felt bad for my table this day because little did they know I was bringing a big ol' can of crazy frag with me and I planned on opening it up and dumping it all over the place!

Well, that big ol' can of crazy frag got me to the final table that day and I haven't looked back. I actually attempted to play a cash game with Paul, Ethan, Katie and Justin that night. I did SO TERRIBLE that Ethan couldn't get to sleep that night when he got home. He got up and typed a list of basic cash game rules for me so that Paul wouldn't kill me the next time we played a cash game together:)

Long Story Short: I'm a tournament player, not a very good one, but a tournament player. I'm not good enough to be, nor do I really want to put the time into being, a decent cash game player. It's two completely different games and I'm going to stick with what comes naturally to me. Just like giant slalom...to be one of the greats, you've got a be a wee on the crazy side sometimes.

YUM YUM!

2008-03-12T20:21:00.000-07:00

I got home tonight at about 7:30 and decided to make some cornbread from scratch. I know what you're all thinking, "Easy there! It's a Wednesday!" :) I actually attempted to make some last night using the recipe that comes on the back of the cornmeal bag and it was so terrible Zoe wouldn't even eat it. So tonight I got a great recipe from www.allrecipes.com. and it turned out really good. But it kinda sucks cause I'm the only one here and I'll probably only end up eating one or two slices. So, if anyone is in the neighborhood and wants some yummy cornbread, you know where to look! ;)

That McDonalds McSkillet commercial IS really dumb. Thank you Pickle for enlightening me :)

Are you kidding me?!

2008-03-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

This is pretty much the saddest thing I have ever seen. For two reasons. 1) It's freaking sad and 2) What kind of people actually do this kind of thing? Do they get their two weeks of vacation a year and say..."Sweet! I can finally go out and obliterate those damned tiny, burrow living, pup rearing, evil little critters!" WTF!!

http://www.bossranch.com/new/hunting.htm

Man, its so hard

2008-03-10T19:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but every time I sit down to post something I feel like it needs to be this great and awe inspiring post that will knock the socks off of everyone. But, I must teach myself that its ok to post crap. So here goes :)

I've really gotten into cooking lately. My mom still freaks out because while I was in highschool she tried so hard to get me to cook but I always had other stuff going on or I just didn't feel like it. But it's weird now. Sometimes I'll just get so excited about cooking a new recipe or slapping together trusty favorite. I think I'm growing up...or something. Anyway, Alia made the best dinner the other night for Pickett and me and I can't wait to try it out when Paul gets home.

Tonight I had sesh-wan beef from May Wah and it was meh. It's usually much better so I am very disappointed :( I had a stupid speech to finish for my stupid speech class. I'm not a big fan of the speech class in case you didn't know.

I'm giving a persuasive speech tomorrow on why online poker should not be made illegal. It's going to be a lot like Annie Duke's speech to Congress. But then, I have to argue the other side of my speech later on. That will bite a big one. O-well. School is not fun this semester at all. But, I need something to blog about later so I'm going to leave you in suspense.

Question: If you could make a "pocket guide" to anything....what would it be?

Hello?? Is anyone out there?

2008-03-04T15:31:00.000-08:00

I just got a laptop and I am very excited to be typing this in my bed! I just wanted ya'll to know that I am going to make a concentrated effort to blog more often. Even if I don't have anything interesting to say, I'm just going to say stuff.....stuff....stuff....stuff. So everyone get prepared to be delighted and well.......stuff :)

math sucks

2007-09-25T03:03:00.000-07:00

It is currently 4:06 a.m and i have to be up in about four hours. I've laid in bed for what seems like an eternity fighting this incessant desire to work out pointless math problems in my head. This sounds really stupid right? Well...it IS! and it is driving me nuts! There are no answers to these problems and they go on endlessly! I have no idea how to turn off my brain when this happens. The first time it happened I thought, "weird". The 2nd and 3rd time I thought "ok, this is getting really annoying". Now I lay down at night and half expect it. I've gotten into the bad habit of taking Advil PM every night before I go to bed. This actually helped but I don't want to have to depend on something for my sleep. After a month of sleeping alone Paul finally returned home. I thought this may help with whatever latent anxiety was causing me to do math problems in my sleep and it did. However, I have lost my boyfriend to a more attractive date tonight, Ben and Zack ;), and I find myself in a most familiar situation. I'm not quite sure what to do. So many days I wake up exhausted, feeling like I haven't slept at all. Anyways, I've read for an hour and writing now hoping it will help.

2007-09-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if everyone is like this or maybe just crazy me but in high school there was this girl that I kind of idolized. She was in my class and I was friends with her but not really close friends. Even to this day I'm not really sure why I put her up on a pedestal but I think it was because she embodied at that time what I hoped to become with time. She was not more beautiful or more intelligent or more popular than other girls she was just always "her" and that is what I admired about her. She was never a lot of things, but always one thing and that was genuine. And that is how I have always hoped to be. I cannot even begin to express the amount of situations in my life in which I have asked myself if she would have done the same thing if she was in my position. I know this may sound odd but we all have people we look up to and try to model ourselves after.

Anyways, since graduation and my release into the wild I have always strived to be a "good person". I'm not sure what this means but to me it means looking upon the world with always innocent eyes, no preconceptions, no judgement, a good sense of humor, the ability to to see the best in people, to discern right from wrong, to have honest empathy and the consternation to follow your heart. I have always strived for these qualities and sometimes I am proud of myself and other times I feel like I don't know myself at all. But what I have noticed lately about myself is that I am more like the girl I idolized in high school than I have ever been and that feels really good. This actual girl is not so important as what she instilled in me at a crucial time in my adolescence. I certainly don't have the desire to look her up now because that is not the point. The point is what I learned from her when it was important and for that I am forever grateful.

I'm an old frag

2007-09-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

I got my first birthday card in the mail today. Whenever my friends are really on the ball like that it makes me feel really bad that I forgot their birthday this year.....but only by a day or two!! Thanks for the card Jess! :)

Its about 7 o'clock here and I just got back from a hike. When I left school today I was feeling so overwhelmed that I just wanted to cry. I came home, threw the ball for Zoe, then sat down to get to work. But as I sat at my desk I began to feel so utterly depressed I couldn't stand it. I'm not sure if it's school or the fact that Paul is gone or maybe a little of both. I know that a lot of people take a lot more classes than I'm taking and work at the same time and do great. I feel like I probably place a lot more pressure on myself to do well than most students while at the same time questioning whether I am really smart enough to accomplish what I want to. My biggest fear is that I'm kidding myself right now in thinking that I can actually 1) get into a PA school and 2) graduate from it. I am so afraid that I'm going to try my absolute hardest and it still won't be good enough. No one in my family has even been to college. I know that this is hardly the right kind of attitude but I thought that maybe if I got it down on paper/blog it would make me realize how stupid it sounds. Anyways, Zoe and I are going to pick up Kitty...then we're all heading to bar :)

What the heck is this all about?!

2007-08-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

I completely forgot I had a blog! I doubt anyone is even going to read this cause it has been such a long time. Basically, being back in Colorado kicks ass! I love it here so much but the fact that I actually live here now and have a CO drivers license and everything makes it kick ass even more. It has been storming almost everyday which is my most favorite thing in the whole world. I've been back in school for about 2 weeks now and I doubt I've spent less than 3 hours on any given day studying. That is fine for now cause I dont really have much else to do, but I think I'll find it very annoying when Paul gets home. Well gotta run :)

sTuFf

2007-07-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

My friend Katie came back to Vegas for awhile with her boyfriend Justin. They used to live here but moved back to Wisconsin a few months ago. She is a lot of fun and we have all been staying out till the wee hours of the morning almost every night that she has been here. Clubbing? No...playing poker! She is a fiend! We played at Bally's one night, MGM and Red Rock. I lost about $200 to Lou Diamond Phillips at MGM (for those of you don't know, he was in La Bamba and Young Guns) so that was a little cool but it would've have been cooler if I had taken his $200. Tomorrow is the 4th of July and we (Paul and me) Gabbry and Truman, Justin and Katie, John and Natalie will be headin out to Lake Mead where we rented a boat for the day. We'll also be meeting up with Ethan and gang who rented a party boat. It should be a lot of fun! Also, Paul has gotten me hooked on this stupid role playing game called Oblivion and now it's all I think about :)
Toodles

uuhg

2007-06-26T19:25:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been back in Vegas awhile now and it is definitely wearing on me. I'm not miserable but I'm certainly not happy. I am not the kind of person that likes to remain idle (especially in the desert). If I am not doing something that I feel is a contribution to myself or others I am going nuts. Being in school over the spring is how I maintained my sanity here. I absolutely hate Las Vegas and without a distraction of some sort I get very depressed. Getting a job seems like a good solution but we will only be here until the middle of August at the latest (please please please) and I would hate to get a job and quit within a month and a half. I try to keep a smile on my face but I know at times it must look contrived. There are times when I am glad to be here like when Paul is in a tournament and we are busy running around and whatnot, but when that's not the case we get up late, play video games and lay around. I try to go to the gym regularly and I'm pretty successful at it most of the time but it's hard when we have on average 2 people staying with us at all times and everyone has different agendas for the day. I am now 10lbs heavier than I've ever been and that's only since we have lived in Vegas. I'm sure it is a combination of my unhappiness, sedentary lifestyle and dinners out about 4 times a week. When we didn't have tons of people in and out I would cook almost every night and eat pretty healthy, but it's difficult now. My weight issue is a huge part of my unhappiness. I have never struggled with it until recently and my self esteem has taken a pretty huge hit. I'm not looking for compliments, just stating the facts. Anyways, I gotta wrap it up....we're headed to Capo's (my favorite Italian restaurant) :)

I don't want anyone reading this to get the wrong idea. I love all of Paul's friends and really enjoy the company most of the time and I know how incredibly lucky I am to even have the option of not having a job. I am very grateful and appreciative of all the great things in my life....I guess I just needed to have a little pity party.