It's been five days since Zoe died. Five days since the impossible became a reality. It's been five days full of tears and long silences in which my mind is absorbed in thoughts of her. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning because I can't seem to find a reason to. I walk through the house and I expect to see her around every corner. I come home from being somewhere and catch myself feeling excited to see her. When I am putting the dishes away I still do it very quietly because the noise would scare her.
I know that with time I will stop replaying the circumstances in my head a hundred times a day. And I will stop hearing those words that brought me to my knees in the vet office that day. But for now that is what I do. I just miss her so much. I feel that if I stop thinking about her, even for a moment, it means that I am forgetting her. I know that is silly but I feel like thinking about her keeps her close to me.
It has been so helpful having friends around that loved her to. All of the support has really meant a lot. Our house is full of flowers, food and cards from people that knew Zoe and knew how very special she was.
2 comments:
Keep writing about her and your feelings.
Agreed.
Talk to everyone. I don't know if you do this but don't worry that people don't want to hear what you're feeling. We do.
Remember that above all, Zoe always wanted you to be happy. If you do experience occaisional joy/humor/relief, you owe it to yourself and to the zoe to allow that in.
Hang in there.
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