The Good and The Bad

In high school and the years following (before moving out to Boulder) my Mom would constantly tell me to slow down, get some rest, take a break, etc.. In high school I was involved in so many activities (including planning keggers for the weekends) that I never had a chance to slow down. Then I got a job that I loved but had to be at for 60 hrs a week just to pay the bills (plus planning the keggers for the weekend :) If I didn't have somewhere to be or something to finish or someplace to go I didn't know what to do with myself. I was always on the go. Then I moved here and settled in. Yes I am going to school but I have never had so much free time in my life and I think there are good things and bad things associated with that.

The good things are: I have gotten really into cooking; something I never would have allowed myself to explore in the olden times. I'm trying to turn our "house" into a "home" which does take a bit of work. I can be somewhat spontaneous when it comes to trips Paul takes and gatherings that occur. I can go home to visit my folks and friends a lot more often than a lot of people get the opportunity to.

The bad things are: I find myself watching more TV than I ever have in my entire life. I have gained 10lbs since moving here. I drink more than I should. I have a lower self esteem b/c I am not as busy which means a poorer self image. I am more anal about certain things which I am not entirely certain comes from my lack of preoccupation....it could just be me getting older and more grumpy :)

Anyways, I truly want to return to the working world someday but I hope to find a happy balance between work and life. I think that feeling like you are a part of something; that you have a purpose everyday is crucial to ones well being. I know that I was happy when I was working 60 hrs a week and barely paying my bills....and I am happy now not working and having no trouble paying my bills...but there is always room for improvement and I will seek out that which will make me even more happy.

I Should Never Have Gotten Out Of Bed

I'm sure that everyone has had one of those days where it seems that everything just sucks. Well, I had one of those days on Friday. Friday I was scheduled to do a hospital rotation for my EMT class. The hospital was North Suburban Medical Center in Thornton. For those of you who don't know, I spent the majority of my life for three years either in a hospital or on an ambulance so the idea of spending 12 hrs of my free time in hospital emergency room and not getting paid for it really sucked! So got up at 6 a.m. and drove the 30min to the hospital. When I arrived I was assigned to follow around a nurse named Tawana who had a huge attitude and an even bigger ass. Basically I was treated as a nobody, a tag along, and an idiot. After what felt like 4 hours I looked at the clock and only 20 minutes had passed since I had arrived. This is going to be the longest day of my life, I thought.

I already new that nurses use very little critical thinking in their line of work. They are a lot like servers at a restaurant. They greet you when you come in, bring you stuff, and check on you every now and then. When you are ready to go, they check you out/bring you your bill. It was so terrible. Then I hung out with tech (EMT that works in the ER) for a bit and she told me how cool her job was there. I told her I had worked as an EMT for a few years so if I didn't seem super excited to be there, don't take it personally.

After a few more millennia passed, an ambulance brought in an 80 year old cardiac arrest patient. They were doing CPR on her when they arrived. At this point I had to pretend like I was excited and eager to see what this was all about. The truth is, I haven't done CPR a lot and there is a reason for that...I hate it! It sucks, it's smelly, and there is a good chance that you'll get vomit all over you. So when the EMT says, "so are you ready to try CPR?" I thought to myself, "are you an idiot? I just told you that I was an EMT for 3 years!!" SO I politely said, "I don't really need to do CPR unless you really want me to" and she looked at me, a little pissed off, and said "Yes I do want you to..You're a student!" So I began smooshing on this poor old lady's chest and it was very, very smelly and I almost lost my lunch.

After a few more agonizing hours I did something a little devious. I made up an excuse and got the hell out of there. 6 hours was about all I could take and I felt like if I didn't get out of there it was only going to get worse.

I realize that it sounds like I really didn't give the experience a chance and that I had a bad attitude right off the bat but that isn't true. I started off giving the situation the benefit of the doubt. I knew it was going to suck but I knew that there were positive things to be gained as well. Perhaps some day I would be working in that ER or maybe the nurse I was to shadow would be really cool or maybe I would meet some people that were really nice. Well, none of that happened and it was totally the opposite. The truth is, I tried really hard and got absolutely nothing for my efforts. Anyways, I probably should have just stayed in bed :)

My Aching Back

So woke up sleep deprived again today. I'm not sure what is happening but all of a sudden our mattress is killing my back. It all started about 6 months ago. I would wake up in the middle of the night with one side of my back hurting. Usually I would just get up, walk around a little, stretch and then head back to bed and it would be fine. Lately, that tactic is not working anymore. Like clockwork I wake up every night at around 3:30 a.m. Because the stretching routine is not working anymore I am forced to sleep in the guest bedroom. The bed in there is much more firm and my back immediately feels better when I lay down on it.

I think that Paul and I have to get rid of our bed. It sucks because it is so huge that a replacement will undoubtedly be pricey and I'm not sure what to do with the one we have. I could try to sell it on Craigslist but used mattresses are hard to sell.....I wonder why??

So, if anyone wants an incredibly comfortable, Cal King mattress....I'm your girl!!

Squirrely Nerds

If I Were I Cat

Most likely a homeless cat after this performance ;)

If Paul Were a Cat

This is how I feel a lot of the time lately. I can't really pinpoint the reason I feel this way other than the fact that there are a lot of little reasons. I also can't tell if it is other people causing me to feel this way or if it is a change in my own attitude and perspective. All I know is that I don't like feeling this way and lately I am a bit annoyed with myself. I am hoping it has something to do with the planets and the stars and whatnot, and it will resolve itself on it's own. Unfortunately, things are hardly ever that easy.