I rushed up to my computer after hearing ColdPlay perform a song on The Daily Show because I was so inspired that I had to write something. But, once I got to my computer I had to restart it b/c the internet wasn't working then it popped up with some AOL site that I could not exit out of. I was forced to create a new site and let that site become a tab. This really sucks because I was so jazzed about this song I just heard and so wanting to blog about it's greatness and then was the subject of some crap that AOL is forcing upon me which changed my entire mood completely. WTF people??

Anyways, the song was amazing and I am hoping to recoup some of the magic it bestowed upon me despite the obsticles I have been confronted with. It has been a very long time since a song has had that great of an impact on me. Most of the time I need to hear a song AT LEAST twice before it digs it's way into my subconcsious.

I am so, and have always been, so envious of those people that put into words what I feel so much of the time. I have tried, as I'm sure many people have, to write my own poems. I learned to play the guitar but was never diligent enough to be any good. I wrote songs with no music. I tried desperately to put on paper what I felt in my soul for a very long time. I eventually gave up on it. I think my mom kept all of my journals of poems in some boxes. I am hoping to be able to go through some of that stuff when I go back in a few days. Anyways, I heard a song tonight that really moved me. That happens so rarely that I felt I should blog about it.

All around the house is dust and dog hair and the like
I try to vacuum it up to make the floor pretty and bright
But Zoe seems to think her hair belongs on the floor
No matter what a tell her, she keeps shedding more and more

Maybe I will shave all of her hair right off
Then there will be no more of her hair that she could toss
All over the floor making it yucky, dirty and gross
I think that is a good idea, well, pretty good at most

Then there is the matter of a kitty cat you see
She is quite a particular cat, as particular as could be
She sheds as well and there's not much I can do
Perhaps she will be fond of a nice summer doo (hair doo that is :)

I look at little children with their sticky hands and food encrusted faces, listening to them yell and scream at their mother (b/c usually there is no male figure that seems to own these children) and I see a mother all smiles as if she is actually living in a different realm than her children. Personally, if I was being screamed at by another person, despite their age, I would be a bit concerned. These mothers, however, appear to not even realize they are being screamed at. Nor do they realize that everyone is staring at them and sending them, via ESM (extra sensory mail), that their child is insanely annoying and loud and please shut them the H%#@ up! What is this?? How do perfectly sane, socially functioning women lose one of their five senses post childbirth??

I have had a goal for about the last 4 years. I think everyone should have a goal. For a long time I was worried about my goals and my passions or rather, lack there of. While living in Reno and dipping a toe or two in the on-line dating pond, I realized that I wasn't really "passionate" about anything and my "goals" were to pay my bills during any given month and remain in the black.

In the dating world people are always asking about future goals and current passions. "Who are you?" , "What do you stand for?", "What do you like to do?". I was never, ever good at answering those questions and I kind of beat myself up for it. I felt like I must be lacking in one of the areas that make a human a human or maybe I just kind of sucked.

Anywho, back to the point. The questions I had to ask myself in order fill out all those forms forced me to take stock of a few things. First of all, I needed to passionate about something and second of all, gosh darn it...I needed a goal! My goal back then was to become a Physicians Assistant. I saw them day in and day out. I saw the respect they got from the nurses in the ER and how well they fielded questions from my Paramedic partners.....also, they make pretty good money.


The crazy thing is, I am pretty close to my goal! I never in a million years thought I would get this close. What always happens to me when I set out to accomplish something is that I get sidetracked. I pick something new to pursue and eventually end up getting nowhere and accomplishing squat. So, anyways I'm pretty excited to see what the next year will bring and all that good stuff :)

It's Slacker Time!

Man, what is up with the end of the semester? It's like all of a sudden, one has a shift in all priorities. For three months straight it's nothing but school in the back of the brain, nagging at you, making you feel guilty that you aren't dedicated enough, hounding you in your sleep....Then, out of nowhere, you crest a mountain top that is the end of the semester!! It is elation by it's very definition. My brain is scattered b/c although I have two finals left, school is over. I have to convince my brain that it can't go on vacation just yet. This is very hard. The weather is beautiful, I already have final grades for two of my classes....can't it just be over??

WTF

You know what's funny? And I think most bloggers can attest to this as well. It seems that the more thought that one puts into a blog post, the less comments received. For me personally, the posts that I have spent a great deal of time on and feel are just super....I generally get only one comment and that comment is from the Kwickfish, bless his little heart :) But when I post about things like studying in the coffee shop or I write a completely random off the wall "poem" I get a good response. What is up with this?? What is the goings on? ;)

Sometimes I tend to get myself into debates with people that I probably shouldn't. Mostly it's just because I love to debate. I will even debate with someone that I totally agree with just because it's so fun. But I realize that some people are not able to come to that line that separates a debate from an argument, and not cross it. It's very easy for a simple conversation to escalate into a debate and then further escalate into a full blown argument. One person should probably recognize the volatility of exchange and stop it from going further but that might be like trying to stop a freight train with a cracker.

I was recently part of a lovely debate about marriage. The idea of marriage has always intrigued me because I find it difficult to justify marriage in any logical language. Why should a happy couple, living together with all the perks of a married couple, take the plunge? Why is having a husband so different than having a boyfriend? What is so significant about the contract of marriage? If you are in love with someone and they are in love with you, isn't that enough?

These are all questions that I have been asked in previous debates about marriage. Personally, I believe in marriage and hope to get married some day. Still, it is difficult for me to answer the questions above with any solid, concrete facts. I went to bed last night thinking about this and I think I may have come up with a reason that I can live with.

Dating is like going to the pound to pick out a dog. When you are at the pound you can peruse the dogs looking for the perfect one. If you think you've found the perfect one you can take him/her outside and spend sometime getting to know them. If, after spending some time with the dog you decide it probably wouldn't work out and it's just not the kind of dog you're looking for, you aren't obligated to adopt the dog. You can go back in and take out another dog or wait and come back another day. This, to me, is kind of like dating.

Marriage is the point at which you feel like you have found the right dog and are willing to commit to that dog through adoption. I think, even at this point, a lot of people don't feel obligated. They still feel that they are taking the dog home on a trial basis. They have not mentally committed to the relationship. Isn't this a lot like marriage? Suppose you get the dog home and it chews up your shoes, pees in the closet, gets into the trash, etc. Obviously, for a lot of people, taking the dog back seems like a great solution. But some people realize that when they brought this dog home, they made a commitment and they'll honor that commitment even though things are little different than they had hoped.

Anyways, I realize this is a terrible analogy and I deeply apologize. It was between this one and "dating is a lot like test driving a car" :) Either way, to me, marriage is the hand shake that seals the deal and I think that is as close as I am going to get to defining what it means to me.

I would welcome any other analogies you guys might have! :)