math sucks

It is currently 4:06 a.m and i have to be up in about four hours. I've laid in bed for what seems like an eternity fighting this incessant desire to work out pointless math problems in my head. This sounds really stupid right? Well...it IS! and it is driving me nuts! There are no answers to these problems and they go on endlessly! I have no idea how to turn off my brain when this happens. The first time it happened I thought, "weird". The 2nd and 3rd time I thought "ok, this is getting really annoying". Now I lay down at night and half expect it. I've gotten into the bad habit of taking Advil PM every night before I go to bed. This actually helped but I don't want to have to depend on something for my sleep. After a month of sleeping alone Paul finally returned home. I thought this may help with whatever latent anxiety was causing me to do math problems in my sleep and it did. However, I have lost my boyfriend to a more attractive date tonight, Ben and Zack ;), and I find myself in a most familiar situation. I'm not quite sure what to do. So many days I wake up exhausted, feeling like I haven't slept at all. Anyways, I've read for an hour and writing now hoping it will help.

I'm not sure if everyone is like this or maybe just crazy me but in high school there was this girl that I kind of idolized. She was in my class and I was friends with her but not really close friends. Even to this day I'm not really sure why I put her up on a pedestal but I think it was because she embodied at that time what I hoped to become with time. She was not more beautiful or more intelligent or more popular than other girls she was just always "her" and that is what I admired about her. She was never a lot of things, but always one thing and that was genuine. And that is how I have always hoped to be. I cannot even begin to express the amount of situations in my life in which I have asked myself if she would have done the same thing if she was in my position. I know this may sound odd but we all have people we look up to and try to model ourselves after.

Anyways, since graduation and my release into the wild I have always strived to be a "good person". I'm not sure what this means but to me it means looking upon the world with always innocent eyes, no preconceptions, no judgement, a good sense of humor, the ability to to see the best in people, to discern right from wrong, to have honest empathy and the consternation to follow your heart. I have always strived for these qualities and sometimes I am proud of myself and other times I feel like I don't know myself at all. But what I have noticed lately about myself is that I am more like the girl I idolized in high school than I have ever been and that feels really good. This actual girl is not so important as what she instilled in me at a crucial time in my adolescence. I certainly don't have the desire to look her up now because that is not the point. The point is what I learned from her when it was important and for that I am forever grateful.

I'm an old frag

I got my first birthday card in the mail today. Whenever my friends are really on the ball like that it makes me feel really bad that I forgot their birthday this year.....but only by a day or two!! Thanks for the card Jess! :)

Its about 7 o'clock here and I just got back from a hike. When I left school today I was feeling so overwhelmed that I just wanted to cry. I came home, threw the ball for Zoe, then sat down to get to work. But as I sat at my desk I began to feel so utterly depressed I couldn't stand it. I'm not sure if it's school or the fact that Paul is gone or maybe a little of both. I know that a lot of people take a lot more classes than I'm taking and work at the same time and do great. I feel like I probably place a lot more pressure on myself to do well than most students while at the same time questioning whether I am really smart enough to accomplish what I want to. My biggest fear is that I'm kidding myself right now in thinking that I can actually 1) get into a PA school and 2) graduate from it. I am so afraid that I'm going to try my absolute hardest and it still won't be good enough. No one in my family has even been to college. I know that this is hardly the right kind of attitude but I thought that maybe if I got it down on paper/blog it would make me realize how stupid it sounds. Anyways, Zoe and I are going to pick up Kitty...then we're all heading to bar :)

What the heck is this all about?!

I completely forgot I had a blog! I doubt anyone is even going to read this cause it has been such a long time. Basically, being back in Colorado kicks ass! I love it here so much but the fact that I actually live here now and have a CO drivers license and everything makes it kick ass even more. It has been storming almost everyday which is my most favorite thing in the whole world. I've been back in school for about 2 weeks now and I doubt I've spent less than 3 hours on any given day studying. That is fine for now cause I dont really have much else to do, but I think I'll find it very annoying when Paul gets home. Well gotta run :)

sTuFf

My friend Katie came back to Vegas for awhile with her boyfriend Justin. They used to live here but moved back to Wisconsin a few months ago. She is a lot of fun and we have all been staying out till the wee hours of the morning almost every night that she has been here. Clubbing? No...playing poker! She is a fiend! We played at Bally's one night, MGM and Red Rock. I lost about $200 to Lou Diamond Phillips at MGM (for those of you don't know, he was in La Bamba and Young Guns) so that was a little cool but it would've have been cooler if I had taken his $200. Tomorrow is the 4th of July and we (Paul and me) Gabbry and Truman, Justin and Katie, John and Natalie will be headin out to Lake Mead where we rented a boat for the day. We'll also be meeting up with Ethan and gang who rented a party boat. It should be a lot of fun! Also, Paul has gotten me hooked on this stupid role playing game called Oblivion and now it's all I think about :)
Toodles

uuhg

Well, I've been back in Vegas awhile now and it is definitely wearing on me. I'm not miserable but I'm certainly not happy. I am not the kind of person that likes to remain idle (especially in the desert). If I am not doing something that I feel is a contribution to myself or others I am going nuts. Being in school over the spring is how I maintained my sanity here. I absolutely hate Las Vegas and without a distraction of some sort I get very depressed. Getting a job seems like a good solution but we will only be here until the middle of August at the latest (please please please) and I would hate to get a job and quit within a month and a half. I try to keep a smile on my face but I know at times it must look contrived. There are times when I am glad to be here like when Paul is in a tournament and we are busy running around and whatnot, but when that's not the case we get up late, play video games and lay around. I try to go to the gym regularly and I'm pretty successful at it most of the time but it's hard when we have on average 2 people staying with us at all times and everyone has different agendas for the day. I am now 10lbs heavier than I've ever been and that's only since we have lived in Vegas. I'm sure it is a combination of my unhappiness, sedentary lifestyle and dinners out about 4 times a week. When we didn't have tons of people in and out I would cook almost every night and eat pretty healthy, but it's difficult now. My weight issue is a huge part of my unhappiness. I have never struggled with it until recently and my self esteem has taken a pretty huge hit. I'm not looking for compliments, just stating the facts. Anyways, I gotta wrap it up....we're headed to Capo's (my favorite Italian restaurant) :)

I don't want anyone reading this to get the wrong idea. I love all of Paul's friends and really enjoy the company most of the time and I know how incredibly lucky I am to even have the option of not having a job. I am very grateful and appreciative of all the great things in my life....I guess I just needed to have a little pity party.

Kirby is the shizzle

After a sweet three weeks in Boulder which allowed me to catch up on a little Harry Potter action, learn some Smash Brothers moves that I'm sure will go down in history and see one of the most amazing thunderstorms that I have seen in a REALLY long time I hopped in the car for a lovely 12 hr cruise to Vegas. Oh my foot is it HOT! Whew...at midnight last night it was 91 degrees. There is a little puddle of Zoe outside where she melted :(

So having not spent a lot of time in Colorado one thing that grabs my attention are the prairie dogs on the side of the road. They are so cool how they are always just hanging out on their little mounds of dirt. I have just one question though...what the heck are they looking at? They always seem to be staring off into the distance...why?

yo diggity

YESSSSSS!!!! Finally, out of Vegas! You have no idea how happy this makes me. I moved from Reno to Boulder last summer and I remember leaving the last city of Nevada ( I think it was either Winnemuca or Elko) looking in my rear view at the fading casino lights and smiling ear to ear. I was nervous about the unknown road that lay before me but ecstatic to finally be leaving Reno in my past... Well, that lasted about 3 months then back to Nevada I went :) What is it with that state? It just has this death grip on me and won't let go! Anyways, I can honestly say that I would rather be in that shit hole with Paul than in Boulder without him (said "shithole" displayed above) :) So 6 months passed, me counting down the days till we got back to Boulder and now we are here!

I knew that the main objective of Paul and me making this trip was for Paul to buy a house. This was so extremely exciting to me. I felt like at times I was way more excited than anyone else and trying to control my excitement was very difficult. We ending up having very similar likes and dislikes when it came to houses (go figure) and when we saw the One it wasn't like I thought it would be. I thought that when you found a house you wanted to buy it would sparkle like a diamond in the rough but.....not so much. It was a pretty difficult decision but after 8 hrs and looking a the house 3 times, we were sold :)

I am now sitting at Moon's after finishing my second Harry Potter book in 3 days, listening/seeing out of my peripheral 3 grown men playing Magic the Gathering and drinking a beer that tastes oddly like raisins. Paul, myself, an 80 lb black lab (aka Zoe) and one spoiled cat are sharing a twin bed every night. I am currently living out of a pile of clothes on the floor (suitcase having been deemed unnecessary) and eating frozen pizzas/Top Roman most nights and I can honestly say I couldn't be happier :) Granted I would like to make a few friends, get back into school and get all moved in but for the most part I am very happy to be here :)

I've met with an academic advisor and have a very vague idea of what I should be doing for the next semester. I swear....the actual act of taking college classes and deciding what classes to take, when to take them, where to take them, bla bla bla... well, its almost as hard as the classes themselves! I've transferred so many times. I think I've attended a total of 4 colleges. Each time I transfer I lose credits and its getting very old! I hope against hope that CU Boulder will be the 2nd to last college I ever attend (PA school after :) Ok y'all, peace :)

what to do...what to do

I have led a somewhat nomadic lifestyle, moving from place to place my entire life. I went to 6 different elementary schools growing up, never staying at one longer than the school year and since graduation from high school I have moved 18 times (with kitty in tow). A lot of this has to do with the fact that I cannot seem to make a decision about what I want to do with my life. The longest period of time that I have ever had the same job is 3 years and that's not b/c I get fired, it's just b/c I get bored. I have boxes that I literally have not unpacked for 6yrs. YIKES! I think it's because I am always expecting to uproot yet again. I'm going to make a pact with myself that if those boxes aren't unpacked by the time I'm thirty, I don't really need any of that crap that is in them anyways and i should just throw them away.

I think that when someone wants to do so many things they end up doing nothing because they can never focus long enough on one thing to make it happen. I have been going to college on and off (mostly on) since I graduated high school and still have nothing to show for it. I have changed my mind so many times regarding the career pathway I would like to choose that all I have managed to do is wander in circles.

Finally I realize that I definitely want to go into medicine but I am struggling at a fork in the road. One road is that to a Physician's Assistant Program and the other is to Paramedic School.

Benefits of being a PA:
1) They make lots of dough
2) They play a much more intimate role regarding a patients long term treatment whereas a paramedic is with a patient for only a matter of minutes.
3) Chances of getting spit on, punched in the face or covered in poo are significantly less
4) They make lots of dough

Benefits of being a paramedic
1) Everyday is different
2) You get the chance to relate to patients in a way that no one else gets to
3) You get to drive super fast on the wrong side of the road and sometimes on sidewalks
4) You only have to spend a matter of minutes with patients ( a good thing when they are covered in poo)

Anyways, I loved being an EMT and at the time that I quit that job I was definitely ready for paramedic school. But, being a paramedic is dangerous. Not only are you putting yourself in precarious situations at times, it is also physically demanding and the chances of suffering a life long debilitating back injury are incredibly high. The schedules are horrendous (12 hr shifts, 4 days a week) The pay is even worse (14.50 per hr for starting medics) But damn...it was fun! I just think that, even though there were a lot of things I loved about that job, I should grow up and make a responsible decision.

One of the reasons I opted to try for a PA program instead of nursing is one of the reasons why I'm not sure I would be content as a paramedic. Once a paramedic enters a hospital with a patient, more often than not, a doctor could not care less about what the paramedic has to say. To most doctors a paramedic is nothing more than a glorified taxi driver. Personally, I have a great interest in the pathology behind a patients symptoms which, in turn, drives me to be more inquisitive and learn as much as I can about different ailments, medications, side effects, etc. I wonder if I would be content to just be the taxi driver. As an EMT I always wanted to know more and be more involved. Nurses are kind of in the same element. They take orders from doctors and that's pretty much it. There are exceptions, I know, but for the most part it is not in their job description to make decisions. That would drive me nuts. I want to make decisions and call the shots. So......it's either calling the shots in field as a paramedic or calling the shots (I'd still have to work under a doctors supervision but I'd get to tell the nurses what to do ;) in an ER or a clinic or wherever as a PA.

My foot itches

I know that I said just a few posts ago that I enjoy my alone time and all that jazz and that remains true. There just comes a point when alone time really sucks. I thought Paul would be returning home tonight from N.Y. and then we would leave for CO in a week but I guess plans changed and he'll be flying straight to CO. So that means a week of Kitty, Zoe and me getting to know each other REALLY well. Which is fine...kitty and I don't talk nearly as much as we used to and we need to catch up :)

I guess maybe I'm a little more sad at the thought of spending this stretch alone than previous stretches because before I had a friend in town I could call if I wanted to. That friend has recently discovered what I kinda knew about Vegas all along and has moved back home. My mom asked me why I haven't made more friends since I have been here. I guess the reason is that I have always viewed Vegas as a temporary situation. That being the case I never really made any effort to go out of my way to form bonds with people I know that I would be leaving shortly. I'm not sure if this was the right thing to do or not. Probably not.

I have always been the kind of person that has just a few close friends that are practically family to me. I don't have "acquaintances" because I don't see the point. If I meet someone at work or school that I feel is very easy to hang out with I may invest more energy into them...after all friendships don't happen overnight. A good example of how my way of thinking is is not always correct (hard to believe, I know) is how I met my friend Candice.

Candice went to the Christian school but took a Spanish class at the high school. That's where I first met her. I thought she was very stuck up and snobby, she thought I partied too much. Anyways, I started dating her next door neighbor of 17 years after I graduated and heard through him that she didn't have very nice things to say about me.

A few months went by and my boyfriend at the time mentioned to me that I should go horseback riding with Candice sometime (she had horses). Even though I knew I was not her favorite person on the planet and she definitely wasn't mine, I could not turn down the opportunity to go horseback riding. So she picked me up one afternoon and we drove to where she kept her horses. What took mere minutes felt like hours I think because of how hard each of us were trying to disguise the awkwardness of the situation. Long story short, we arrived, hopped on the horses and then she tried to kill me but she did not succeed and now we are best friends! :) We have been friends now for almost 7 years and man we have some crazy memories! I was the maid of honor at her wedding and her family is my family. I could tell stories but I think the only ones laughing would be Candice and me! So...do I have a point? ah, yes. I guess if I hadn't have plunged into that awkward situation and put forth the energy to make a new friend, I'd be out a lifetime of amazing memories!

How many times has the average person stumbled upon an abandoned (or so we think) baby animal? I'm sure it happens slightly less on the strip of las vegas than in the mountains of CO but still.... My curse is that I always find baby birds. either in the middle of a busy street or in my own back yard and each and every time I say to myself "oh f*#%, now what am I suppose to do".
We all want to do the right thing but what is the right thing? Do we leave it there on the off chance that it's mom is mearly out picking up the dry cleaning or did mom say "screw this" and fly away to greener pastures? Who knows.

I have an idea though for those of us who can't just leave the little thing there all alone. I think you should be able to buy a kit at the store that comes with everything you need to give that little guy a fighting chance. You know like the eye dropper thingy and maybe some pre-mixed little birdie food and a guide that tells you what to do. That's all. Then it won't be so freakin stressful when you happen upon a baby squirrel, bird, duck, raccoon...whatever. I know some places have shelters where you can bring animals like that but some places don't and that kit would be a life saver for bleeding hearts like myself.

yoddeling is hard

It's monday afternoon and I have 3 huge tests this week. I didn't study nearly as much as I should have this weekend for some unknown reason. It's like I know I need to study but there's a little voice in my head that says "hey, no worries. You can study tomorrow". Aahh, where is that little voice coming from because I need to strangle it! The problem is I am already in summer mode. Remember in high school when the weather finally turned nice? The last thing in the world anyone was thinking about was school. Maybe it's some sort of brain chemical that senses a change in temp. and *poof* school what? I must rise above my chemical nemesis and march onward! Only 2 more weeks!

After school is out I'll be driving with my homies (zoe and kitty) back up to Boulder. I'm very excited about this. I think May will be a pretty cool month. Paul really wants to sell the house in Vegas and buy a condo instead (smaller, less upkeep) and buy a home in Colorado. I think this is a great idea. We both miss CO a lot and we both have friends we miss a lot. Paul was invited by one of the guys he often helps with poker to the Indy 500 race at the end of May, so we will be flying out there. So cool!!

I also just sold my motorcycle. I am happy to have sold it but also sad at the same time. Man that thing was fun!

Okay well, I'm off to study! Seriously!

Happy Earth Day!

My family and I moved to California when I was in 5th grade. We moved from Sacramento and to Sacramento from Oklahoma. Living in Oklahoma was kick ass! And when I say kick ass I'm speaking in little kid terms: catching polly-wogs in the crick, going barefoot EVERYWHERE, playing in the rain, building forts in the woods, swimming in lakes/large mud puddles, playing hide-and-go-seek in abandoned barns...basically doing whatever you wanted until the sun went down. When we moved to Sacramento I was absolutely lost. My mom wouldn't even let me walk the 10 block distance to my elementary school! We had a backyard the size of a bathtub and it never rained :( I was in hell! Thankfully we only lived there for a year.

We then moved to the mountains of N. California. Yay! More barefoot time! Anyways, I am providing all of this fascinating background for a reason..I promise. After living in a big city for a year and then moving to mountains I found myself with a new, almost unhealthy respect for the environment. I was absolutely in love with the outdoors, the fresh air, towering pine trees, lack of cars/traffic and crystal clear streams right in my backyard. So...as I child I had a very difficult time swallowing the fact that these beautiful trees around me were being cut down to build houses. I remember getting into very heated debates with my father over the dinner table about such things as hunting, logging, fishing, bla bla bla. Like I said, I was very young at the time and have since come to accept some of these things and change my view about others.

So one afternoon my friends and I began our daily walk through the woods to our favorite spot to build forts. But this day was not like other days. When we arrived to our destination we noticed the trees all had strange graffiti on them and little colored ribbons. From my previous experiences hiking around in the woods I knew this could mean only one thing.....the loggers had come. I honestly could not describe to you how upset I was. I thought my entire little world could just end right there. Anyways, after a little tree hugging my friends and I devised a plan to stop the evil loggers from destroying the pristine forest.

The next day we went out with signs that we had made that said things like "NO Loggers Allowed", "Turn Back Or Else", "Save the Trees", "Do Not Enter"..you know, stuff like that. We planted the signs along the road and some in the middle of the road. Then we went to a nearby dumping ground (there were a few places like that where people would go dump their crap so they wouldn't have to pay the Dump fees) and collected broken bottles and situated them in the ground on one of the logging roads so that they would get flat tires when they drove by. I think we even planned on standing in the middle of the road....you know, just in case all of our other fool proof plans didn't work. But we chickened out as soon as we saw the tractors plowing through and we ran away.

It took about a week of them coming in everyday chopping down trees until they were done. But when they finally were done the place was such a mess that we really couldn't play there anymore. It's kind of a sad story actually but my point was just to tell a kind of earth related story for earth day. I'm really glad I grew out of that phase. Honestly, caring that much only made me miserable. Kind of like being in the Bahamas and realizing the plight of the Conch.

After I did a little investigating I learned what a horrible situation they are facing and the most probable outcome for them is that they won't be around much longer. It made me so sad and yet, could I do anything? No. Except not eat any myself. I even told my fellow Bahamian travelers but I saw it did not upset them nearly as much as it did myself and they really didn't even care enough to stop eating it. I realize that even today I take environmental issues to heart quite a bit more than most people so. I'm sure no one else on that trip laid awake at night worrying about the conch :) It sounds incredibly silly, I know.

Maybe this is why people are so unwilling to change their habits. I think all of us in the Bahamas were thinking "well, I'm not going to save the world by turning down the conch salad". Its very unfortunate that most of us think that way but I think that the best thing we can do as intelligent individuals is to stop thinking that way.

http://www.publicaffairs.noaa.gov/releases2003/sep03/noaa03116.html

Alone Time

When I first moved to Colorado I was checking out a lot of rooms for rent in the Boulder area. It was difficult because it was kind of a bad time of year to be looking for such a thing seeing as how school was starting only weeks away. Since Boulder is primarily a college town, rooms for rent can be difficult to find.

I finally found a place that I really liked. The roommates were all fairly close to my age and they all seemed really nice. When I interviewed with the guy who was responsible for giving me the "thumbs up" or the "thumbs down" he said something that initially I didn't pay much attention to. He said that he wanted a roommate that would be around a lot because the other girls in the house complained that no one was ever home to "hang out" with; and he made a fairly big deal about it.

So....the reason for my post today is that I was thinking I must be kind of weird. Personally, I love spending time alone and living in Vegas there have been times where I have gotten to do an awful lot of that. First of all, I have always been this way. I have lived in a lot of places and with a lot of different roommates and I can honestly say that in those situations I always enjoyed having the house to myself. Maybe this is because I have never lived alone. But very contrary to what I just said...I don't think I would like living alone. See? I'm weird.

Anyways, what made me think of these things is that since we have moved to Vegas I sometimes end up alone for days or weeks because of Paul's schedule. I have "a" friend in Vegas but she works a lot. So for most of the time that Paul is not in Vegas it's just me and my peeps (Zoe and Kitty) and I was thinking that maybe because I am really ok being by myself that this isn't has big as a problem as it could be with some couples. Don't get me wrong. In my current living situation (which is living with my wonderful boyfriend Paul) I am much happier when he is home. :)

I think that there are a lot of people who just don't like being alone or they get bored easily or maybe feel like they are missing out on something if they're not with someone. But I think there is a lot to be said for being comfortable enough with who you are to just be.

Ok, peace! Gotta get ready to go out!.............haha j/k.................or am I? :)

Ode to a Zo

Well I guess pretty much everyone else has posted about what an awesome dog Zoe is. It's time for me to give my 2 cents.
Zoe is not just a dog. She is THE dog. The phrase "mans best friend" was created for her. She is a perfect dog in every way. Just when I think I just couldn't love her any more than I already do, she does something that proves me wrong. When I first met Zoe she was merely a blur of blackness right on heels of Paul as they both came running down a dirt road and into the woods. Into the woods because having a dog where we where at the time was a big No NO. It was to be day 1 of a 7 day rafting trip down Desolation Canyon. The thought of having a wet, muddy dog along for the ride didn't seem too enticing at first. However, I have to say that it took only mere minutes for me to see that this wasn't just any wet, muddy dog. Zoe's personality is so unique that within the first 5 minutes of having her on my raft I was hooked.

Zoe seemed to fit right in from the moment we launched the rafts. She fit in so well in fact that most of the time we didn't even know she was there. Not until we heard a big splash off the back of the raft every few hours. There are not many dogs that you can take ANYWHERE and be fully confident that they will mesh. Zoe is one of those dogs. Wherever she goes with Paul or me we never have to worry about her.


Not only is Zoe the greatest traveling companion, she is also a kick ass guard dog. Those who know Zoe can vouch for her sweet and mild nature but not many have seen her darker side. When Paul and I first moved to Vegas he was out of town often. I wondered if anything ever happened while he was gone, would Zoe have it in her to protect me? Well, I think I can now answer that question affirmatively. Not only does she have one of the most ferocious barks I've ever heard but I think she's got the bite to back it up!

Zoe has the amazing ability to make me smile even though I think I've had the worst day ever. She knows how to physically maneuver a hand so that it is in perfect petting position and I've never seen a dog wiggle themselves from point A to B quite as well as Zoe. She is a good judge of character and trustworthy dog. If Zoe is around you are in very good company :)

Zoe has planted the seed of doubt in those who stand firmly by their belief that they just aren't "dog people". Everyone that meets her falls in love with her and I am no exception. She is one in a million and I am so glad she is a part of my life. I've told Paul on more than one occasion that I think she must be an angel trapped in a dog's body.
Anyways, this was my ode to Zoe. She's the best!!

A long, long, long time ago (probably about 6 years...yikes!) my friend Natalie and her friend Chris and i went to visit our friend Jessica in Napa Valley. It was about this time of year because I remember the way the sun felt on my skin. My skin having endured 5 months of a frosty cold winter. It was heaven. I'm sure everyone can relate. Its the feeling you get on that first gorgeous, perfect day after winter. I was cheating though. I had driven from Quincy (about a 4 hr drive) where it was still oh so nippy outside :) I got my first day of spring early!
We all decided to go wine tasting! It was a fabulous idea and we weren't taking any shortcuts. We stopped at a quaint (quaint for Napa Valley translates to snooty, overpriced, deliciousness) little store on the side of Winery Lane and purchased the necessities: 2 types of bread, 3 types of yummy cheese and water. Then we were off!
The rest of the day Jessica navigated us around the best wine tasting experience. We went to a few very well known wineries like Duckhorn, Opus One and Whitehall Lane but we didn't overlook those off the beaten path either. Because Jessica was working in the restaurant industry at the time at one of the more upscale restaurants in the valley she was able to pull some strings so the whole thing didn't end up costing us our arms and legs (would have made driving very difficult) Overall I'd have to say that it was one of the best days of my life. I was with 2 of my best friends in the whole world, it was a beautiful day and we didn't have a care in the world! For some reason I always seem to think of that day when winter withers to spring and I'm glad to have a day like that to remember :)

YippEE SkiPPee!!

I just finished my 3rd and final test for the week and I am so happy about that! I am also happy that my friend kristen is coming to visit! Lots of things to be happy about! Also, I just really like exclaimation marks so any excuse to use them is fine by me.
I recall having a conversation with Paul a little while back about a little thing I like to call reflection. I think that most people in their twenties have to go through a period of time when they do a lot of this. At some point in your twenties (hopefully) you become a real, live adult and its really wierd. I have spent all of my teenage years and a large chunk of my twenties thinking with a predefined mindset. This mindset allowed me to do things like flaking on a friend and assuming they'd just always be there, paying my credit card late every month or heck, just not paying it at all. It allowed me to be half-assed at things because I thought, "hey I'm young and irresponsible, people expect that of me and there will be time later". Well, that "time later" has come. I'm not really sure when I started changing the way I thought about things but one day I realized that my life would be what I make of it and it would represent the kind of person I am. Instead of it being half-assed I wanted it to be kick- ass! (ha, see? exclaimation mark)

What caused me to ponder such things is a behavior that I see at school everyday. I go to a community college where there is a much more diverse age group than at a university. I guess I just expected that along with the "older" more "experianced" crowd I would see a determination that is sometimes lacking in the younger kids. But....no.
Most of the people that are in class with me are attempting to get into nursing school. I would actually say about 90%. Getting into nursing school is very difficult and insanely competitive because there are way too many students and not enough teachers. Anyways, don't you think if you were in fact "older" and trying to better your life by going back to school you should give a damn about what you are learning? People who sit around me in my classes think I am a smarty-pants because I do well on all of my tests. The fact is that I am not smart. I'm actually fairly average if you ask me. I do, however, give a damn and I give it my all. I gave it my all when I was working 60hrs a week and still managed to pull A's in all of my classes. The only difference between me and those I am speaking of is that I have made up my mind. I am determined and I have decided that I want something more out of this life than sitting on my ass can provide. If I am going to do something I am going to be responsible for it and do it the absolute best that I can. No one else is going to do it for me.
So in a nutshell, I guess I am proud of myself and I am glad that the reflection I needed to see clearly didn't happen too late in life and that I was able to recognize it for what it was. Ok, that is all. Till next time. Ta ta :) !!!!!!!!

Alright people.... I have 15min before I have to leave for class and I absolutly CANNOT study anymore. I feel like my brain is so full that if I tip my head to one side or the other all that fabulous knowledge will start pouring out my ears!! Maybe I should wear some earplugs....anyways. It feels like finals week this week and its not which sucks because finals week is coming up very quickly. So lucky me I get 2 finals weeks ;) Okay...I'll stop complaining.
Paul and I went to CO for my alledged "spring break"..(i had to study a lot...ooops, I'm complaining ;0...Long story short, it was oodles of fun and now I must run ;)

I don't think anyone actually reads this blog and thats ok. I mostly write in it when I have nothing else to do or I'm just trying to kill some time before I'm off to something else. I went to Quincy (my hometown) this past weekend. Going home to Quincy is good for me for lots of reasons. 1) The long drive gives me ample time to think about things which I believe people today spend far too little time doing. It seems there is never time to actually stop and think about what is important to YOU. People are always rushing around pushing themselves to stay ahead of the clock which doesn't leave much time for self reflection. Anyways, I've always enjoyed long trips in the car. This time I had a faithful and very quite companion, Zoe :) 2) Quincy is my home. It is where I spent most of my childhood and adolescent years. I feel comfortable there. Once you get through Reno its only about another 45 min until pine trees begin dotting the hillside and before you know it *poof* you're in the mountains! It is at this point that I truly begin to feel at ease and sometimes throughout the rest of the drive I actually catch myself smiling. Quincy is an outdoor lovers "heaven". It has everything you could ever want! Raging rivers, serene lakes everywhere, skiing in the winter, a community college, and yes...3 bars! Besides all that and as if it could get any better...my family and friends are there. I like getting back there because it reminds me of who I am and how far I have come. I would love to someday move back there. My Dad moved us there when I was 12 and I will always be grateful to him for that! better run ;)

the return of kermyfrag!

it's sure has been awhile! I think that my last post had something to do with an overweight squirrel?... Anyways, the reason I haven't posted in so long and the reason that I had to change my address is that I forgot the password to my old blog. How lame is that?

Life has been a whirlwind for me to say the least. After living in Boulder for an entire 3 months I decided to move to Sin City with my boyfriend Paul. A lot of people would say (and did say) that this certainly was not the smartest decision I've ever made and I can't exactly fault them for saying that. Although I had my doubts and fears I have learned in my many 26 years that life has no script and what landed me in Colorado in the first place is just evidence of that randomness. Vegas is a far cry from anywhere I'd like to call home. There are many things about this city I do not care for but one big thing that I do care for :) Paul and I have a great time together and I am so happy to have him in my life. Vegas might suck, but he makes it worth it.
For the past few weeks I have been going to school during the day, which I am really happy to be doing and Paul is kept very busy with poker and the related responsibilities of success. We really don't get to spend much time together but I guess that was to be expected.
Currently I'm taking two classes: Microbiology and Anatomy & Physiology. These two classes taken together make for a pretty intense curriculum (good thing I actually like this stuff). Well I guess I'll post this and see how it works!