Merry Christmas!!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! Paul and I had a great Christmas :) We are in Quincy with my mom and step dad. They have a house way up in the mountains and we got about 4 inches of snow today and the power went went out for a few hours. It got down to about 60 degrees in the house and we weren't sure if we'd be able to have Christmas dinner but luckily the power came back on in time. Other than that it's been a pretty mellow day. We had a great dinner and opened presents this evening instead of this morning. It was my idea. I like the fact that you get to look forward to something all day instead of opening the presents in the morning. Anyways, I hope everyone had a great Christmas too!

I missed my old template :(

New addition??

I think that Paul and I should get another dog. It's kind of a scary thought b/c two dogs is a way bigger responsibility than one dog. I was thinking about it and if we had two dogs then taking them on a walk without a leash would be twice as much work, leaving them with friends/parents for a week would be twice as difficult, and any medical care would be twice as expensive. The reason I think that we should get another dog is that I think Daisy is the kind of dog that would love to have another dog around all the time. Zoe was different; I thought that it would be almost unfair to her for us to get another dog b/c she loved being our only child and soaking up every single drop of love we had to give and that was plenty for her. Daisy, for now anyways, is not content with just us. She wanders around the house whining and crying, playing with all of her random toys by herself. We try to give her the amount of attention that will keep her happy but I'm not sure we can. I think that she would absolutely love a brother or sister!

I went to the Longmont Humane Society today as well as a lady's house that had 9 wk old blk lab puppies. The problem is that Paul and I are leaving for almost a week on Tues and I don't think that Paul's dad (his mom will be out of town) is up to the task of taking care of a 9 wk old puppy on his own for that long!

The staff at the Humane Society in Longmont does a terrific job of writing little paragraphs about each dog and his/her personality right on the enclosure they are in. What is unfortunate is that almost every single dog has a problem with either kids, cats, or other dogs. We all know who wears the pants in the Pamber household.....Kitty! So not just any dog will do. Also, Paul's sister has little kids, little kids play out in the park, and little kids are just about everywhere so a dog that likes to eat little kids would not be the best fit for us either. Even though I am a huge proponent for adopting adult dogs, I'm not sure that we would be able to make that work.

The reason I am writing this, other than because I am bored, is because I'd like some feed back. What do you guys think about us getting another dog? and a puppy at that?

I really don't understand why people keep reptiles as pets. Isn't the purpose of a pet to keep you company, become a companion, offer affection or entertain you in some way? Reptiles don't do anything. They barely even move from one spot to another. Just from previous experience, if there is a reptile in a tank or cage of some sort, I am lucky if I can even see it! They're always blending in and hiding...I guess, doing what reptiles do. Anyways, I just don't really get it. Spending the money to feed and house them, cleaning their tank, buying a bigger tank when they out grow the one they are in; it all just seems like a lot of work for not a lot of reward.

The Good and The Bad

In high school and the years following (before moving out to Boulder) my Mom would constantly tell me to slow down, get some rest, take a break, etc.. In high school I was involved in so many activities (including planning keggers for the weekends) that I never had a chance to slow down. Then I got a job that I loved but had to be at for 60 hrs a week just to pay the bills (plus planning the keggers for the weekend :) If I didn't have somewhere to be or something to finish or someplace to go I didn't know what to do with myself. I was always on the go. Then I moved here and settled in. Yes I am going to school but I have never had so much free time in my life and I think there are good things and bad things associated with that.

The good things are: I have gotten really into cooking; something I never would have allowed myself to explore in the olden times. I'm trying to turn our "house" into a "home" which does take a bit of work. I can be somewhat spontaneous when it comes to trips Paul takes and gatherings that occur. I can go home to visit my folks and friends a lot more often than a lot of people get the opportunity to.

The bad things are: I find myself watching more TV than I ever have in my entire life. I have gained 10lbs since moving here. I drink more than I should. I have a lower self esteem b/c I am not as busy which means a poorer self image. I am more anal about certain things which I am not entirely certain comes from my lack of preoccupation....it could just be me getting older and more grumpy :)

Anyways, I truly want to return to the working world someday but I hope to find a happy balance between work and life. I think that feeling like you are a part of something; that you have a purpose everyday is crucial to ones well being. I know that I was happy when I was working 60 hrs a week and barely paying my bills....and I am happy now not working and having no trouble paying my bills...but there is always room for improvement and I will seek out that which will make me even more happy.

I Should Never Have Gotten Out Of Bed

I'm sure that everyone has had one of those days where it seems that everything just sucks. Well, I had one of those days on Friday. Friday I was scheduled to do a hospital rotation for my EMT class. The hospital was North Suburban Medical Center in Thornton. For those of you who don't know, I spent the majority of my life for three years either in a hospital or on an ambulance so the idea of spending 12 hrs of my free time in hospital emergency room and not getting paid for it really sucked! So got up at 6 a.m. and drove the 30min to the hospital. When I arrived I was assigned to follow around a nurse named Tawana who had a huge attitude and an even bigger ass. Basically I was treated as a nobody, a tag along, and an idiot. After what felt like 4 hours I looked at the clock and only 20 minutes had passed since I had arrived. This is going to be the longest day of my life, I thought.

I already new that nurses use very little critical thinking in their line of work. They are a lot like servers at a restaurant. They greet you when you come in, bring you stuff, and check on you every now and then. When you are ready to go, they check you out/bring you your bill. It was so terrible. Then I hung out with tech (EMT that works in the ER) for a bit and she told me how cool her job was there. I told her I had worked as an EMT for a few years so if I didn't seem super excited to be there, don't take it personally.

After a few more millennia passed, an ambulance brought in an 80 year old cardiac arrest patient. They were doing CPR on her when they arrived. At this point I had to pretend like I was excited and eager to see what this was all about. The truth is, I haven't done CPR a lot and there is a reason for that...I hate it! It sucks, it's smelly, and there is a good chance that you'll get vomit all over you. So when the EMT says, "so are you ready to try CPR?" I thought to myself, "are you an idiot? I just told you that I was an EMT for 3 years!!" SO I politely said, "I don't really need to do CPR unless you really want me to" and she looked at me, a little pissed off, and said "Yes I do want you to..You're a student!" So I began smooshing on this poor old lady's chest and it was very, very smelly and I almost lost my lunch.

After a few more agonizing hours I did something a little devious. I made up an excuse and got the hell out of there. 6 hours was about all I could take and I felt like if I didn't get out of there it was only going to get worse.

I realize that it sounds like I really didn't give the experience a chance and that I had a bad attitude right off the bat but that isn't true. I started off giving the situation the benefit of the doubt. I knew it was going to suck but I knew that there were positive things to be gained as well. Perhaps some day I would be working in that ER or maybe the nurse I was to shadow would be really cool or maybe I would meet some people that were really nice. Well, none of that happened and it was totally the opposite. The truth is, I tried really hard and got absolutely nothing for my efforts. Anyways, I probably should have just stayed in bed :)

My Aching Back

So woke up sleep deprived again today. I'm not sure what is happening but all of a sudden our mattress is killing my back. It all started about 6 months ago. I would wake up in the middle of the night with one side of my back hurting. Usually I would just get up, walk around a little, stretch and then head back to bed and it would be fine. Lately, that tactic is not working anymore. Like clockwork I wake up every night at around 3:30 a.m. Because the stretching routine is not working anymore I am forced to sleep in the guest bedroom. The bed in there is much more firm and my back immediately feels better when I lay down on it.

I think that Paul and I have to get rid of our bed. It sucks because it is so huge that a replacement will undoubtedly be pricey and I'm not sure what to do with the one we have. I could try to sell it on Craigslist but used mattresses are hard to sell.....I wonder why??

So, if anyone wants an incredibly comfortable, Cal King mattress....I'm your girl!!

Squirrely Nerds

If I Were I Cat

Most likely a homeless cat after this performance ;)

If Paul Were a Cat

This is how I feel a lot of the time lately. I can't really pinpoint the reason I feel this way other than the fact that there are a lot of little reasons. I also can't tell if it is other people causing me to feel this way or if it is a change in my own attitude and perspective. All I know is that I don't like feeling this way and lately I am a bit annoyed with myself. I am hoping it has something to do with the planets and the stars and whatnot, and it will resolve itself on it's own. Unfortunately, things are hardly ever that easy.

It's been awhile I know. If you're still checking this blog....my apologies. Well, most of you know that we have made a new addition to our family. After going to the Humane Society to volunteer, Paul and I ended up taking home a 3 month old black lab. We named her Daisy.

We hadn't planned on it but it just kind of happened. She is a very sweet dog with a very small bladder! She hasn't yet learned how not to view our house as a giant toilet, but we are working on it.

It's a really weird thing. Paul and I both are still searching for her "personality". She is still very young so it may be too soon to tell what kind of dog she will be someday. I think she has potential because she really wants to please and hasn't shown any rebellious type behavior. She always comes when she is called and she has learned how to sit. She is a sweetheart but she's starting out in the negative. I know this isn't fair to her but she has some pretty large shoes to fill. I catch myself being disappointed at times in her behavior because she is acting so much like a dog. I realize I cannot allow myself to compare her to Zoe because I will always be disappointed. She is a unique creature that I will learn to love but there are those obstacles that I face.

She has made it a little easier around the house. When I come home, instead of immediately missing Zoe, I see Daisy. She is a sweet girl and she has a big heart. Having her around doesn't make me miss Zoe any less but she helps me focus on the present and helps me smile when I otherwise wouldn't.

It's been three weeks and I am still waiting for it to get easier. I didn't just lose a pet, I lost my best friend. I lost the girl that I sought every time I had a bad day, the girl that went hiking with me on summer evenings, the girl that kept me company on so many long road trips, the girl who rested her head on my shoulder and said more with her eyes than words could ever say. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. Every moment that I am not distracted, I am thinking of her. I don't see the day in the near future when I won't cry for her. I miss her so terribly.

Sometimes I feel as if I have misplaced something but I don't know what it is. Like something should be with me but isn't. I don't know if that feeling will ever go away. I kind of hope it doesn't.

Long Road to Recovery

It's been five days since Zoe died. Five days since the impossible became a reality. It's been five days full of tears and long silences in which my mind is absorbed in thoughts of her. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning because I can't seem to find a reason to. I walk through the house and I expect to see her around every corner. I come home from being somewhere and catch myself feeling excited to see her. When I am putting the dishes away I still do it very quietly because the noise would scare her.

I know that with time I will stop replaying the circumstances in my head a hundred times a day. And I will stop hearing those words that brought me to my knees in the vet office that day. But for now that is what I do. I just miss her so much. I feel that if I stop thinking about her, even for a moment, it means that I am forgetting her. I know that is silly but I feel like thinking about her keeps her close to me.

It has been so helpful having friends around that loved her to. All of the support has really meant a lot. Our house is full of flowers, food and cards from people that knew Zoe and knew how very special she was.

Zoe's Conclusion

Well I am sure most of you know by now but Zoe passed away on August 18, 2008. It was Monday morning and we were taking her into the vet to get some blood work done because it had been a full week since she had eaten anything and she was going down hill pretty fast. Before we left I took her outside to potty and she laid down in the grass facing away from the house. I let her lay out there until we were ready to leave because she seemed to enjoy it.

On our way to the vet she sat by the window and stuck her head out like she always did. Paul and I thought this was a good sign because for the past few days we couldn't get her interested in anything. When we arrived at the vet Paul had to carry Zoe inside because she was so weak and was obviously scared of this place. Once inside, a vet tech came to get Zoe. Zoe didn't want to go so the woman had to practically drag Zoe into the back. Paul and I were then led into a room to speak with the vet. Our vet, Dr. Peterson, came in after looking at Zoe and told us he would be doing some blood work because Zoe was very sick. He was then called out of the office by someone and returned momentarily. He said "Zoe has just arrested, they are doing CPR on her."

He left us in the room and came back about five minutes later and said that nothing they were doing was working and they had stopped resuscitation.

Needless to say, that was the worst day of my life and today is the second worst day of my life. I have suffered a great deal of losses in my life of people that I loved, but somewhere in the back of my mind it was always somewhat expected. The possibility that Zoe could die never crossed my mind. And when it happened it felt like my heart was pulled from my chest and now there is just a big, empty space where it used to be and it is the most unbearable pain I have ever known. Zoe was a light that brightened every one's life that she touched. She was nothing but goodness and love and now she is gone.

The Dr. did blood work after she had passed and he said that she was in kidney failure and her potassium levels were extremely high, which is why she went into cardiac arrest. He attributes her kidney failure to one of the drugs she was given during the course of her surgeries. He said that about .02% of dogs have this kind of reaction and it is extremely rare. He told us that even if he had diagnosed the problem sooner there was a very small chance that he could have reversed the damage.

So Zoe just got really unlucky. When we took her in for her second surgery the Dr told us that in all of his 20 years of performing these surgeries, he had seen a bent plate like Zoe's only a handful of times and that she probably just took an unlucky jump which bent the plate.

I don't really know what else to say. Everyone who knew Zoe loved her. I don't need to write about what an amazing dog she was because everyone who reads this blog already knows. She was always there, always with us. I know Paul and I are not the only ones who are going to miss her. The only regret that I have about her time here was that it wasn't enough. She had another 10 years to give us but fate had another plan.

I love you Zoe. Thank you for being a part of my life. You found your way to a place in my heart that dogs just aren't suppose to find. I think I loved you from the minute I met you and I promise I'll never stop.

Well, Zoe has been home now for two days and hasn't eaten a bit of food. We took her back to the vet today and he doesn't seem overly concerned even though she has lost 10 lbs. since she went in for her first surgery. Her leg seems to be doing fine though. She is very sullen and withdrawn. We take her out to potty and all she wants to do is come back inside and lay in her crate. She couldn't care less about who is coming or going. It's so hard. I feel like my mental disposition is linked directly to her well being. I can hardly think of anything else but her. I know that might be a bit unhealthy for me, but she is pretty much my world :)

On a brighter note.... I will definitely be able to apply to the P.A. program this Fall. I had to jump through some hoops but finally managed to sign up for my final prerequisite which I will take this Fall. If I don't get in this year it's off to CU to get my bachelors. I looked into some majors that interested me in the science field but unfortunately, they all require either three years of high school or three semesters of a college foreign language. The only other thing that interested me was philosophy so that is probably what I will major in if it comes down to it.

Saga cont.....

We took Zoe back to the vet yesterday and got some very bad news. It turns out that she now has a broken fibula and the plate that had been attached to her tibia and femur to keep them aligned was severely bent. The vet said that in all of his 13 years of performing this surgery, he has only seen something like this 5 times. I was completely shocked! I admit that paul and I didn't keep her as quit as we should have but it wasn't like we let her go nuts. I felt absolutely crushed. We had let Zoe down and now she has to have yet another surgery and stay in the facility until Tues.
The vet, Dr. Peterson, is awesome. He did her first surgery and he is letting her stay at the facility for free and not charging us a surgical fee for her second surgery. He says that we caught it in time and he should be able to repair the damage with no problems. When she comes home she will have an external brace that is screwed into her leg above the knee joint and below. Paul and I will get a larger crate and keep her in there 24/7!!! Please send her good thoughts :)

Zoe Saga

Well, Zoe's surgery went really well and as soon as we got her home she was walking with only a minimal limp. I think that we made a big mistake though. Because she was doing so well we kind of just let her wander around the house like normal. She jumped up on the bed a few times when we weren't watching and climbed a flight of stairs as well. When she began to limp a little worse we decided to cut her way back on the activity she was doing and now we are even crating her at all times except when she goes out to do her business. I'm just really afraid it's too little too late. I hope that we did not allow her to injure herself by allowing her more freedom than we should have. We are going to the vet in about an hour to get her checked out. Keep your fingers crossed.

Violins

I'm trying to find some music with violins in it. The kind that is a mix between 'The Last of the Mohican's' sound track and the 'Soggy Bottom Boys'. I thought that this would be easy but all I can find is classical violin or violin music with tons of sappy singing going along with it. To me the violin is one of the best instruments out there and I love violin music. If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE let me know!! :)

Going Under The Knife

A lot of people know that Zoe has not been 100% lately. The vet says she has a partially torn CCL (equivalent to an ACL in people) She has her good days and on those days I convince myself that she is getting better on her own....which is actually impossible but I tell myself that anyways. The truth is, I am scared to death of her having surgery. So many things can go wrong. What if she is worse off after the surgery than before? What if she has a bad reaction to the anesthesia? What if the Vet who is operating tied one on the night before? I just feel like it is a huge risk. I know that most of my concerns are unfounded and over the top but if a choice I made somehow led to her suffering, I would never forgive myself.

Surgery is set for the 28th. We have to drop her off at 7a.m. and pick her up the next day. She has to remain almost immobile for the first two weeks and then she is allowed to take 5min walks up to five times a day.

I rushed up to my computer after hearing ColdPlay perform a song on The Daily Show because I was so inspired that I had to write something. But, once I got to my computer I had to restart it b/c the internet wasn't working then it popped up with some AOL site that I could not exit out of. I was forced to create a new site and let that site become a tab. This really sucks because I was so jazzed about this song I just heard and so wanting to blog about it's greatness and then was the subject of some crap that AOL is forcing upon me which changed my entire mood completely. WTF people??

Anyways, the song was amazing and I am hoping to recoup some of the magic it bestowed upon me despite the obsticles I have been confronted with. It has been a very long time since a song has had that great of an impact on me. Most of the time I need to hear a song AT LEAST twice before it digs it's way into my subconcsious.

I am so, and have always been, so envious of those people that put into words what I feel so much of the time. I have tried, as I'm sure many people have, to write my own poems. I learned to play the guitar but was never diligent enough to be any good. I wrote songs with no music. I tried desperately to put on paper what I felt in my soul for a very long time. I eventually gave up on it. I think my mom kept all of my journals of poems in some boxes. I am hoping to be able to go through some of that stuff when I go back in a few days. Anyways, I heard a song tonight that really moved me. That happens so rarely that I felt I should blog about it.

All around the house is dust and dog hair and the like
I try to vacuum it up to make the floor pretty and bright
But Zoe seems to think her hair belongs on the floor
No matter what a tell her, she keeps shedding more and more

Maybe I will shave all of her hair right off
Then there will be no more of her hair that she could toss
All over the floor making it yucky, dirty and gross
I think that is a good idea, well, pretty good at most

Then there is the matter of a kitty cat you see
She is quite a particular cat, as particular as could be
She sheds as well and there's not much I can do
Perhaps she will be fond of a nice summer doo (hair doo that is :)

I look at little children with their sticky hands and food encrusted faces, listening to them yell and scream at their mother (b/c usually there is no male figure that seems to own these children) and I see a mother all smiles as if she is actually living in a different realm than her children. Personally, if I was being screamed at by another person, despite their age, I would be a bit concerned. These mothers, however, appear to not even realize they are being screamed at. Nor do they realize that everyone is staring at them and sending them, via ESM (extra sensory mail), that their child is insanely annoying and loud and please shut them the H%#@ up! What is this?? How do perfectly sane, socially functioning women lose one of their five senses post childbirth??

I have had a goal for about the last 4 years. I think everyone should have a goal. For a long time I was worried about my goals and my passions or rather, lack there of. While living in Reno and dipping a toe or two in the on-line dating pond, I realized that I wasn't really "passionate" about anything and my "goals" were to pay my bills during any given month and remain in the black.

In the dating world people are always asking about future goals and current passions. "Who are you?" , "What do you stand for?", "What do you like to do?". I was never, ever good at answering those questions and I kind of beat myself up for it. I felt like I must be lacking in one of the areas that make a human a human or maybe I just kind of sucked.

Anywho, back to the point. The questions I had to ask myself in order fill out all those forms forced me to take stock of a few things. First of all, I needed to passionate about something and second of all, gosh darn it...I needed a goal! My goal back then was to become a Physicians Assistant. I saw them day in and day out. I saw the respect they got from the nurses in the ER and how well they fielded questions from my Paramedic partners.....also, they make pretty good money.


The crazy thing is, I am pretty close to my goal! I never in a million years thought I would get this close. What always happens to me when I set out to accomplish something is that I get sidetracked. I pick something new to pursue and eventually end up getting nowhere and accomplishing squat. So, anyways I'm pretty excited to see what the next year will bring and all that good stuff :)

It's Slacker Time!

Man, what is up with the end of the semester? It's like all of a sudden, one has a shift in all priorities. For three months straight it's nothing but school in the back of the brain, nagging at you, making you feel guilty that you aren't dedicated enough, hounding you in your sleep....Then, out of nowhere, you crest a mountain top that is the end of the semester!! It is elation by it's very definition. My brain is scattered b/c although I have two finals left, school is over. I have to convince my brain that it can't go on vacation just yet. This is very hard. The weather is beautiful, I already have final grades for two of my classes....can't it just be over??

WTF

You know what's funny? And I think most bloggers can attest to this as well. It seems that the more thought that one puts into a blog post, the less comments received. For me personally, the posts that I have spent a great deal of time on and feel are just super....I generally get only one comment and that comment is from the Kwickfish, bless his little heart :) But when I post about things like studying in the coffee shop or I write a completely random off the wall "poem" I get a good response. What is up with this?? What is the goings on? ;)

Sometimes I tend to get myself into debates with people that I probably shouldn't. Mostly it's just because I love to debate. I will even debate with someone that I totally agree with just because it's so fun. But I realize that some people are not able to come to that line that separates a debate from an argument, and not cross it. It's very easy for a simple conversation to escalate into a debate and then further escalate into a full blown argument. One person should probably recognize the volatility of exchange and stop it from going further but that might be like trying to stop a freight train with a cracker.

I was recently part of a lovely debate about marriage. The idea of marriage has always intrigued me because I find it difficult to justify marriage in any logical language. Why should a happy couple, living together with all the perks of a married couple, take the plunge? Why is having a husband so different than having a boyfriend? What is so significant about the contract of marriage? If you are in love with someone and they are in love with you, isn't that enough?

These are all questions that I have been asked in previous debates about marriage. Personally, I believe in marriage and hope to get married some day. Still, it is difficult for me to answer the questions above with any solid, concrete facts. I went to bed last night thinking about this and I think I may have come up with a reason that I can live with.

Dating is like going to the pound to pick out a dog. When you are at the pound you can peruse the dogs looking for the perfect one. If you think you've found the perfect one you can take him/her outside and spend sometime getting to know them. If, after spending some time with the dog you decide it probably wouldn't work out and it's just not the kind of dog you're looking for, you aren't obligated to adopt the dog. You can go back in and take out another dog or wait and come back another day. This, to me, is kind of like dating.

Marriage is the point at which you feel like you have found the right dog and are willing to commit to that dog through adoption. I think, even at this point, a lot of people don't feel obligated. They still feel that they are taking the dog home on a trial basis. They have not mentally committed to the relationship. Isn't this a lot like marriage? Suppose you get the dog home and it chews up your shoes, pees in the closet, gets into the trash, etc. Obviously, for a lot of people, taking the dog back seems like a great solution. But some people realize that when they brought this dog home, they made a commitment and they'll honor that commitment even though things are little different than they had hoped.

Anyways, I realize this is a terrible analogy and I deeply apologize. It was between this one and "dating is a lot like test driving a car" :) Either way, to me, marriage is the hand shake that seals the deal and I think that is as close as I am going to get to defining what it means to me.

I would welcome any other analogies you guys might have! :)

Yippy Skippy Spring is Here!
I think I'll have a beer
or two or three and play some ball
I sit around until I get the call

Some things about spring that I really like
Are all the flowers and the pike
Fishy fish swim in the lake
I don't have a bike so I guess I will skate

To the store to get some wheat thins
Because paul at them all last night
They are my favorite cracker being so thin
sometimes I give them to Zoe

Just a little rant

I used to absolutely hate riding the bus home from school because there were these two brothers that teased me the entire way. They knew that I was a bunny loving tree hugger and would torment me with stories about how they kicked their dogs and shot squirrels for fun. I used to get so mad that I would literally burst into tears and I remember thinking, why doesn't anyone else say something to these losers?

We watched a video today in my Ethics class called "The Peaceable Kingdom". It was a documentary on factory farming. After the lights were turned back on I looked around at the class and at least one half were crying including myself. I'd like to think that there is a consciousness building in our society about the little choices we make everyday and how these little choices have huge consequences. I think it's a little bit easier in Boulder because everywhere you look someone is trying to save the world in their own little way. I had no idea that purchasing a cup of coffee was contributing to demise of migratory song birds or that by drinking milk I am financially contributing to fuel that powers veal market.

I hate caring about these things. I think about them on my way to school, on my way home from school, when I'm at the grocery store, the gas station, the mall...when I watch T.V or go hiking and most annoyingly, when I am trying to go to sleep at night. I used to irritate myself because I would be so serious about this stuff all the time and my friends got really tired of it. So I quit and vowed to lighten up.

I guess my point, if I have one, is that sometimes it's just plain easier not to care and a lot of the time lately I wish I didn't care. But I cared on the bus in elementary school and I'll probably care on the next bus I get on.

I HAD a dream

My dream was weird and I woke up in a panic. I dreamed that I had died and was in a kind of line waiting to get into heaven. I noticed that everyone was carrying a bag. It was the same kind of bag everyone was carrying but some were really full and some really empty. My bag was really quite empty and I didn't know if this was a good thing or a bad thing. As a approached what looked like a podeum and a man standing behind it, I noticed that he was checking everyones bag. Some people were allowed to pass and others were told to go another way based on the contents of their bags. I was a little worried at this point.

Once I arrived at the podium the man asked to look into my bag. As he did I felt my stomach (or what used to be my stomach) rise up into my throat. He said to me, "Do you know what this is?" I said, "No." He said, "These are all of the good things that you have done for others in your life." At that moment I felt really terrible. In all of my life the good things I had done couldn't even fill up a bag.

After this happened I woke up. I'm not sure I got into heaven but one thing is for sure. I have a lot of work to do :)

I have had a total of 8 speeding tickets in my life, three of which occured when I 16 years old. My parents.....not happy. I don't know why, maybe a lot of people are like this, but I feel that if I'm not going at least 5 over the limit I'm going way too slow. It is nearly impossible for me to stay at or below the speed limit. It's actually kind of annoying. Even when I know I'm going to get to school too early and have to wait around for class to start, I still can't stay in the slow lane. Every time a see highway patrol I get butterflies and quickly let off the gas b/c I just assume that I am most likely speeding....it's bit exhausting actually. It would be nice to see a cop once in a while and not feel that immediate sense of panic. O-well, maybe I can blame on my shoes, they're just really heavy officer.

I'm not sure why, but studying or reading in the atmosphere of a coffee shop is so much easier than doing it at home. But it doesn't really make sense. A coffee shop is loud, the people can be distracting, and I find myself listening in to other's conversations and having to force myself to get back on track. But for some reason I get so much more done. Maybe one of the reasons is that at home I get to thinking about the dirty dishes, piles of laundry, taking Zoe for a walk, etc. and up spending only half of my studying time actually studying. Plus, I make a terrible cup of coffee!! I don't know what the heck happened. I used to wake up every morning and make coffee and it was awesome! Now, everytime, its either too dark, too bitter, too watery or burnt. So, off to the coffee shop I go! :)

Fighting a good fight

As a lot of you may already know, since moving to Colorado I have taken a great interest in prairie dogs. I had never seen a prairie dog before coming to CO. I see them everyday on my way to school at Frontrange in Westminster and I say to myself that one of these days I'm going to run off the road because I'm too busy prairie dog watching.

Shortly after my first semester at Frontrange began, I noticed that acres and acres of land on both sides of Sheridan were being plowed. I couldn't for the life of me think of any reason this was being done. It was obvious that it wasn't because they were planning on developing the land (not in the near future anyways) so what the f? I'm sure there was some reason but it bothered me so much because that land was home to thousands of prairie dogs and these tractors were bulldozing everything in site with no concern for them.

I couldn't think of anything else to do so I e-mailed all of the city councilors of Westminster and gave them a piece of my mind. I also e-mailed the prairie dog coalition asking for advice but I never heard back from them. So that was last semester; this semester all those acres and acres of land are still just sitting there....plowed. The prairie dogs seem to be just fine and all is well for now.

So the reason for this post is my new crusade for the prairie dogs! There is a lot on the northwest side of Sheridan and 112th that has been under development for a long time now but the development has been moving really slowly. There are prairie dogs on the lot that have been having to cross the sidewalk to find food in the manicured lawn next to Sheridan for about 2 months. I see them over there everyday on my way to school and it breaks my heart. There is absolutely no where else for them to go. The lot is bordered on two sides by road, another side by a gas station, and on the other side I believe there is a preschool or something. Basically they are stranded and at the mercy of the bulldozers.

About a week ago I noticed that the development was picking up, there was a lot of heavy equipment around, and they were starting to build. And there were the prairie dogs...everyday, forced out into the only place they could still find grass. It was SO sad! I realized that if the day came that I drove to school and the lot was paved and there were no more prairie dogs to be seen that I would blame myself because I waited for someone else to do something instead of being proactive and doing something myself.

So two weeks ago I e-mailed the prairie dog coalition and got no reply. So I e-mailed them again and still no reply. Finally I called and got a msg that everyone would be out of the office until the19th. I waited and called on the 19th and spoke with someone who said they would read my e-mail and get back to me. Two days went by and no e-mail, so I called again. They told me they never received my e-mail so I gave them my e-mail address and I finally received an e-mail the following day giving me pointers on how to start the relocation process. I started by calling a few of the well know relocators and got a hold of someone that had actually started the process of moving those very same prairie dogs months ago. Unfortunately she had had to go in for emergency heart surgery and was unable to finish the process. She told me that to her knowledge there were no more prairie dogs at that location. She was happy to hear that some had survived and willing to engage in the process of moving them once again. She gave me the contact number for the development company and agreed to start some of the necessary paper work.

I called the development company and spoke to the woman whose name had been given to me by the relocator. This woman was a complete idiot. I told her that I, along with a well known prairie dog relocator were beginning the process to move the animals off the lot and if she could please forgo any plans on poisoning or other lethal means of removal it would be greatly appreciated. She told me that there weren't any prairie dogs on the land that they had all left. I thought to myself, "Um, yeah, but I'm calling about the imaginary prairie dogs ?" I mean, seriously? Why the hell would I waste my time tracking down your number if there weren't any prairie dogs? I'm hoping this company is just an equal opportunity employer and required to hire a certain amount of dumbasses

Anywho, I informed her that there were indeed still prairie dogs living on the land and to please let me know if any plan was to be implimented to get rid of them. She agreed and we hung up. Whether her tiny little brain was able to comprehend the words coming out of my mouth is still uncertain.

Last week sometime bulldozers plowed over the only remaining burrows of the prairie dogs. And they didn't just plow over them, they piled about four feet of dirt on top of them. I found this out two nights ago when I went out there to throw some hay and veggies for them (Deb, the relocator, told me I could do this to supplement their scarce food supply and also to get them used to treats so that they would be easier to trap)

Needless to say, I was devastated. I was almost in tears thinking that if I had only acted sooner they might all still be alive. I was also very pissed off because I had just spoken to a woman, however incompetent she was, who assured me that they would be fine on the outskirts of the lot until early June at least! What a lying biatch! So, not giving up hope, I went back there today to see if I could see any prairie dogs and I did. There were three that I could see, down from the five or six I usually see, but maybe the others were being shy. So I gave them more food and I will continue doing what I can to help them get out of there.

Sorry this was so long, I have even more to say but I'll save it for later. :)

softball is fun!

We played some softball today and it was great! A ton of people showed up and I think we are going to have a really strong team. I hope I'll be able to play. I am seriously thinking about taking an EMT class this summer and it takes place 5:30-10:00pm, Mon-Fri. I think the class starts in the beginning of June and goes through the middle of July. Maybe they'll decide to change the time, I'll keep my fingers crossed! Hmmm, but we can't a winning team without a winning name. Any ideas???

Shake and Bake Baby!!

Paul and I just got back from a weekend trip to my hometown for a little snowmobiling action! We met my friends Josh and Candice at the airport and stayed one night in Reno at their place then headed to Quincy the following morning. We gathered the troops (me, Paul, josh,Candice, Candice's brother Ben, Josh's friend Keith, and Candice's friend aurora) and hauled six snowmobiles to Bucks Lake. Bucks Lake is like a miniature version of Lake Tahoe....it's awesome. I've been spending summers up there since I was twelve.

Anyways, once we arrived at the mountain summit we had to park and unload the snowmobiles and ride the rest of the way in on them. We made our way about a mile and half to Bucks Lake Lodge. In the winter this lodge is only accessible via snowmobile. It is a restaurant/bar and a bunch of cabins. We had rented one of the cabins for Fri/Sat night.

Friday night we did a night ride and it was incredible. For those of you who aren't familiar with snowmobiles, they are a lot like jet skis but on the snow. You can get them up to about 140 mph and they can climb pretty much anything! They also have headlights for night riding. So we took a trip around the lake in the light of a full moon, it was beautiful!



The next day we all woke up around 9:30 and went for another ride. It great because you can bring beer with you for the ride and take beer breaks every 20 minutes or so! After a couple of hours of riding we were headed back to the lake to meet up with Candice's family at another cabin. On our way back, Josh, Ben and Paul cruised up the side of a steep hill to goof around. After about 10 minutes both Josh and Ben had returned, but no Paul. They went back up to find him and find him they did....with his snowmobile stuck vertical, head first in a tree well. Paul observed the "ownage of the tree" but was basically uninjured otherwise.

It took about 30 min to dig out the snowmobile, luckily it was unharmed as well because it was being borrowed from Candice's cousin Chris. We finally met up with the rest of the family and all of us (about 12 people in all) took off once again to explore the countryside. We all stopped at a hill that was pretty cool for goofing around and hung out there for about an hour, trading snowmobiles and cruising around. Well, once again everyone returned to the bottom but no Paul. So a couple of us went up to look for him. I found him with his snowmobile stuck in about 3 feet of slushy snow (it was about 4:30 in the afternoon by now and it had been sunny all day) on a very steep hill. I ran up the hill to help him dig it out and was soon joined by some others. In Paul's defense, there were other tracks going up the hill so it wasn't a completely crazy attempt! Once we got him unburied we realized that in his attempt to free himself he had burned up the belt and the snowmobile was no longer mobile. The first incident Paul was riding Chris's snowmobile, this time he was riding Chris's wife's snowmobile. So it took us about a half an hour to replace the belt and we were on our way once again. Needless to say, Paul had established quite a reputation for himself by now! :) Once back at the Lake it was time for some Tree Smackers!!




Bucks Lake is famous for it's Tree Smackers. It's a concoction similar to a Long Island Ice Tea but more fruity. They are VERY dangerous and called a Tree Smacker for a reason. So we ended the day with a few drinks and then hung out in the cabin playing Whales Tales for the rest of the night. We headed home the next morning. By this time, I was so sore I could barely walk. Every muscle in my body hurt and I actually fell down once b/c my legs just gave out. A lot of people don't realize what a physical sport snowmobiling is. But you are pretty much standing up the whole time and throwing your weight around all day.

All and all, good times were had!

It's all downhill from here

I'm kinda hooked on playing low buy-in sit -n-gos right now. I play the 5 to 10 dollar 18 to 27 person tourneys and have cashed in the last four I have played. It's the first time my Stars account has ever increased without outside influences. I think I have figured out why.

I use the analogy of skiing because it's the first thing that comes to mind. When I first started skiing, I was a balls out, straight down the hill kind of skier....making turns was for wussies! After learning how to ski when I was 17, I tried out for the high school ski team and ended up wiping the floor with all the veteran girls on the team in the giant slalom event! Needless to say, I didn't make any new friends that winter :) Anyways, I ended up qualifying for State Championships that year and got 31st out 120 in the G.S event. Crazy right?! But did I mention that I couldn't finish a regular slalom course to save my life? That's my point! Skiing a regular slalom course requires skill, finesse, and experience. I had none of those things. What I did have was no fear and that is why making those "giant" sweeping curves down the mountain was right up my alley.

Anyways, because giant slalom was what I loved, I had no desire to venture off the corduroy into waist deep powder and spend the day soaking wet and freezing cold. I kept to the groomers and improved my form for the next few years to come. Finally, I had no choice. My friends forced me out of my comfort zone into the fluffy stuff. Man, was it terrible! I felt like it was my first day ever skiing! I was noob once again! After a few hours of torture I finally returned to the groomers and I couldn't wait to rip it up down the hill. But oh no! As soon as I set ski on that trail I felt like Darrell Hannah in Splash the first time she trades her tail in for two legs. I couldn't get my form down, I kept catching an edge, I was putting all my weight behind me...I was completely screwed up. It took me another 3 runs to finally feel like I was back in the saddle.

My point is, poker is like skiing. You have cash games and your tourneys. Just like you have regular slalom and giant slalom, powder and groomed. I came into the game of poker a completely unskilled player, knowing absolutely nothing about poker. Therefore, I accelerated at the low buy-in sit-n-go's. Low buy in sit-n-go's are my giant slalom event. Then I tried to play cash games. Paul worked with me, Bag worked with me, Ben worked with me....heck, even Truman worked with me. It was obvious I was not a cash game player so back to the sit-n-go's I went :) But funny thing, after all that cash game play, my tourney game was completely screwed up! I couldn't make it to a final table if my life depended on it. I had been skiing in the cash game powder and when I returned to the comforts of my corduroy sit-n-go's I didn't stand a chance.

The light at the end of the tunnel:
The last time I was in Vegas with Paul we met out friends Justin and Katie (ha! Wolf, if you're reading this...that was for you!) and Katie and I played in a 50 person tournament at Ceasers 2 days in a row. The first day I asked Paul if he had any advice for me and he said "Just play old school kermy style." So, I really tried to be crazy and bludgeon people. Unfortunately, their battle axes were a little bigger than mine and I was out in 33 place :(

The next day Katie and I entered into the same tournament determined to stick it out. I replayed all my stupidly, non-kermy style, played hands from the previous day in my mind and formed a game plan. I kinda felt bad for my table this day because little did they know I was bringing a big ol' can of crazy frag with me and I planned on opening it up and dumping it all over the place!

Well, that big ol' can of crazy frag got me to the final table that day and I haven't looked back. I actually attempted to play a cash game with Paul, Ethan, Katie and Justin that night. I did SO TERRIBLE that Ethan couldn't get to sleep that night when he got home. He got up and typed a list of basic cash game rules for me so that Paul wouldn't kill me the next time we played a cash game together:)

Long Story Short: I'm a tournament player, not a very good one, but a tournament player. I'm not good enough to be, nor do I really want to put the time into being, a decent cash game player. It's two completely different games and I'm going to stick with what comes naturally to me. Just like giant slalom...to be one of the greats, you've got a be a wee on the crazy side sometimes.

YUM YUM!

I got home tonight at about 7:30 and decided to make some cornbread from scratch. I know what you're all thinking, "Easy there! It's a Wednesday!" :) I actually attempted to make some last night using the recipe that comes on the back of the cornmeal bag and it was so terrible Zoe wouldn't even eat it. So tonight I got a great recipe from www.allrecipes.com. and it turned out really good. But it kinda sucks cause I'm the only one here and I'll probably only end up eating one or two slices. So, if anyone is in the neighborhood and wants some yummy cornbread, you know where to look! ;)

That McDonalds McSkillet commercial IS really dumb. Thank you Pickle for enlightening me :)

Are you kidding me?!

This is pretty much the saddest thing I have ever seen. For two reasons. 1) It's freaking sad and 2) What kind of people actually do this kind of thing? Do they get their two weeks of vacation a year and say..."Sweet! I can finally go out and obliterate those damned tiny, burrow living, pup rearing, evil little critters!" WTF!!

http://www.bossranch.com/new/hunting.htm

Man, its so hard

I don't know why, but every time I sit down to post something I feel like it needs to be this great and awe inspiring post that will knock the socks off of everyone. But, I must teach myself that its ok to post crap. So here goes :)

I've really gotten into cooking lately. My mom still freaks out because while I was in highschool she tried so hard to get me to cook but I always had other stuff going on or I just didn't feel like it. But it's weird now. Sometimes I'll just get so excited about cooking a new recipe or slapping together trusty favorite. I think I'm growing up...or something. Anyway, Alia made the best dinner the other night for Pickett and me and I can't wait to try it out when Paul gets home.

Tonight I had sesh-wan beef from May Wah and it was meh. It's usually much better so I am very disappointed :( I had a stupid speech to finish for my stupid speech class. I'm not a big fan of the speech class in case you didn't know.

I'm giving a persuasive speech tomorrow on why online poker should not be made illegal. It's going to be a lot like Annie Duke's speech to Congress. But then, I have to argue the other side of my speech later on. That will bite a big one. O-well. School is not fun this semester at all. But, I need something to blog about later so I'm going to leave you in suspense.

Question: If you could make a "pocket guide" to anything....what would it be?

Hello?? Is anyone out there?

I just got a laptop and I am very excited to be typing this in my bed! I just wanted ya'll to know that I am going to make a concentrated effort to blog more often. Even if I don't have anything interesting to say, I'm just going to say stuff.....stuff....stuff....stuff. So everyone get prepared to be delighted and well.......stuff :)